Tricoteuse

oh gosh some things happened

2011-08-24T11:07:00.003-05:00

Today, Small Doggies featured five new poems of mine.

Vice magazine interviewed me about my job and my poetry.

At Dark Sky Matthew and I have a little preview for our book, Morocco, posted.

And lastly, a while back Matthew and I went to Minneapolis and did a reading. Here is a clip from it.

PICNIC CANNIBAL

2011-04-18T12:13:00.002-05:00

Jamie Iredell reviews EIQ over at his blog. I found it really personal and moving. Thanks Jamie.

(unrelated) I think I had a nervous breakdown between 3am and 7am today. Not too sure though.

It's Nice That Bookshelf

2011-02-26T16:55:00.005-06:00

It's Nice That asked me to write about 5 books I find inspirational. Yeah, yea.

That goldfish's name is Christina and is over a year and a half old. I feed her often.

a coupla things

2011-02-25T13:30:00.004-06:00

Over at the open end a dude named herocious wrote this really good anecdotal review of Everything Is Quiet. He says this:

"In My Father’s Friends I wonder if the guy who survived for many months on a life raft was the same guy Gabriel García Márquez wrote about. I also got very silent when I was reading about the woman who survived being drowned. I’ve read about her 3-5 times times, and each time I hear Daft Punk playing some shit, and I taste what it would taste like to swallow sea water. I guess that’s what happens when you’re drowning in the ocean, you keep water out for as long as you can, and then you have to breathe, you have to swallow.

And this:

"I think it’s very dangerous and highly unrecommended for addicts to read Kendra Grant Malone’s poetry. I think everyone else is safe."

Oh ok cool. I like that.

Also, I have a reading with the super fucking cool Ben Fama, who doesn't have a blog. Weird right? Well I love him anyways. Read about the event here. See you Tuesday. BTW FREE BEER.

Coldfront

2011-02-14T07:56:00.002-06:00

Morgan Myers wrote this really lovely review of Everything Is Quiet over at Coldfront. It's short and simple and though he doesn't like me too much to begin with, at the end he comes around and I think we can all be friends.

He wrote a review for a little e-book I had last summer that I liked in the same way- go read that here.

Dark Sky Books Is Publishing Morocco

2011-01-26T10:19:00.004-06:00

The Dark Sky Blog announced today their line up for the next couple of years and I'm excited to say that they are publishing Morocco, my newest poetry collection which was co-written with my Bestest Matthew Savoca, in September. Get ready- it gets real raunchy. What what.

Sorry Dad.

A big what what to all my new press mates.

I'm a jerk but people sometimes like my book

2011-01-20T08:39:00.001-06:00

This is a nice little review of Everything Is Quiet.

Southeast Review Review

2011-01-13T08:48:00.001-06:00

There is a very flattering review of Everything Is Quiet over at The Southeast Review.

Thanks Stephen!

yeah, this is okay, i guuuuess

2011-01-05T10:17:00.002-06:00

Noah Cicero interviewed me for Bookslut. Plz read. Or don't read. Everything seems like a good option.

We talk about BFF's, Minnesota in the summer, being a woman, not being a woman, and the year that I was a little fat. I don't talk about my cat at all, if that helps you want to read this. I also don't talk about Giancarlo DiTrapano because I hate him and he never gives me any drugs.

Kiss kiss, love you.

Dark Sky Magazine

2011-01-03T10:20:00.005-06:00

My very good buddy Matthew Savoca and I have poems today in the new Dark Sky Magazine. Our two poems are from a book we've written in the last few months together called Morocco. Mine is called For Matthew, After A Movie and his is called I Worry About You. You should read mine first and his second. If you like what you see get excited! There are 68 more poems where those came from. Oh yes yes.

UPDATE: Get really excited, because you will be seeing those 68 soon! More on that later.

Nous Sommes Les Animaux Part Two (une plus poème pour vous, petit taureau)

2010-12-07T10:43:00.001-06:00

I always loved you
better when you
were gone too
let’s take this love
and stuff it somewhere
like it was something
physical like
a little plastic bull
a pink one for
you, and a green
for me
little bulls I acquired
while drinking enough
to bear the pain of
grooming for you
and because of all
that necessary grooming
we will always have
that animal knowledge
also, because I never
clearly understood you
I’m not being fancy
here
your accent is just
so thick
maybe if I didn't
have dyslexia
and I could have
learned French
instead of just repeating
phrases you taught me
like your pet bird-
but hey, let’s not be
sad
I’ll always be your
American dream
thin with long legs
over sexed with
large breasts
I’m only sorry
I never dyed my
Italian hair blonde
while I painted
my nails your
favorite shade
of hooker red
anyways, I’m proud
to have had the
luck to understand
someone that way
that you can’t
if you can speak
easily
that understanding
that only bulls have
even little plastic
ones

Adam J Maynard makes nice things you should buy

2010-12-04T12:27:00.002-06:00

The first print issue of My Name Is Mud is ready for purchase. I'm in it along with a group of talented people. Pick it up here.

Also for sale is Adam's book of poetry Green, which is really fucking great. Go buy that too.

everything is alright (half left)

2010-11-18T12:15:00.003-06:00

Dan Tarnowski wrote a really wonderful review of Everything Is Quiet over at On Lives.

If you live in Chicago, go to this thing, I'll be reading remotely, via skype. I am also having a super secret mystery guest and might be eating pizza too.

What else?

Everything else.

Cecilia, Samara, Let Your Hair Run Wild

2010-11-03T16:29:00.002-05:00

let me tell you about
this girl
she is so clever
when she chose
her second name
she selected not just
a name of a song
but the name of
a really good song
that a lot of people
from different
backgrounds like very
much-
she knows that
people like so much
to link music
with their good feelings

with my friends
first names are
a precious currency
there is a charming
entitlement to using
them
especially in a space
where you are not
supposed to
also, there is a
delicate importance
of not making
too much of it

so, this clever girl
her first name
is one of those
rare first names
that
is as nice as
the chosen
second name
oh she has
such nice hair!
and
she is just troubled
enough
for someone to
write a song
using her
first name
instead of just
listening to the
one
she used to
choose her second

ohai

2010-10-25T12:18:00.000-05:00

i have a formspring.

nepotism

2010-10-24T11:10:00.002-05:00

hey man,
it's not what
it looks like
i don't fuck
for favors
it's just that
i fuck most
everyone
at least once
and most
my friends
are editors
so just let a
lady
be
and go enjoy
your life
while you've
got it
and if you're
still bitter about it
just
buy me a drink
and see how
easy it can be

i am so into sardines right now

2010-10-23T10:12:00.001-05:00

all i can think about is being shoved in a sleeping bag with you, face to face, with our hands tied behind our backs, in your car, on a very cold day

The Offending Adam

2010-10-18T07:56:00.004-05:00

I have some new work at The Offending Adam today. Well, its not really new new, I don't even know anymore. My life has become a mess of poems everywhere, old poems new poems new book old book blogs magazines I have no idea where any of it goes or came from anymore. I just keep tripping on poems.

Also, It's Nice That is a nice website that likes me. Seeing that link this weekend made me feel really alright.

Are you hungry? Oh, well then, here is an apple.

my closest friend is someone who is a lot like patrick bateman

2010-10-09T20:27:00.003-05:00

tonight
oddly enough
the person who
is comforting me
who is telling me
who is winning
the game
between the
yankees and
the twins
is the man
who pays me
to
talk to him
on the phone
about killing
his mother
and surprisingly
its not so bad
he just said
im a yankees fan
and i said
oh well
and tomorrow
will be okay
im sure of it
he just said
i should be licking
your asshole right now
and i said lol
while watching the
game, thats
the life
and he said
hell yeah

i really want to eat some chicken nuggets

2010-10-08T20:07:00.002-05:00

in case you missed it (i'm going to push on your bladder when you have to pee so you love me more)

2010-10-07T13:01:00.005-05:00

So last week or so the super great HTMLGIANT did a feature week on me and Matthew Savoca, since our books came out together this month.

Here is the quick and easy way to go read everything that was posted, and also, to be reminded of how much internet trolls love pretty girls with big tits.

1) kicking off the week with a short sweet bit about kendra's book Everything is Quiet

2) a conversation with matthew savoca, conducted by adam robinson

3) kenda and matthew answer the same six questions posed by blake butler

4) mike young reviews kendra's Everything is Quiet (IF YOU BOTHER TO READ ANYTHING PLEASE READ THIS ONE)

5) wrapping up: matthew and kendra interview each other

i'm being such a grown up right now, blogging, like i should

2010-10-07T12:28:00.004-05:00

Ok, I have a lot to say. Remember when I used to write blogs? Oh I hate this now. This must be done.

First, did you know I have a book? I do! I have a book of poetry. The other day I was talking to my mom on the phone and she was in the car and I was like "Where are you going mom?" and she was like "I'm going to Barns & Nobles to buy your book!" I laughed really hard and was all like "Mom go home and go on the internet."

MOM YOU CAN BUY MY BOOK HERE

Here are some nice things people have said:

“Kendra Grant Malone contains several hundred people. Likewise, her words seem to protect several hundred other words beneath their giddy, precise calm. Here is a mother and a voyeur and a pervert and a magick-making child, somewhere between them all your brand new old friend, teeming with such heat. Here is language more honest than I could ever be. I suggest you keep it close, warm. I suggest you keep an eye, as if this book had human hands beyond its gorgeous shoulders it would tickle you to death; it would hump your funny tired body, then eat your head for what you’ve seen.”
– Blake Butler author of “Ever”, “Scorch Atlas” & “There is No Year”

“Any book that thanks ‘vodka, cocaine, and Citalopram, for making mood swings bearable and this book possible’ is likely to a strong sense of its own identity, or identities, and Kendra Grant Malone’s ‘Everything is Quiet’ certainly does. Strong: her use of language, her voice, her commitment to getting it right, even as she’s describing how she frequently gets it wrong. Sense: a good ear, a good eye, an intimate acquaintance with bodies and what (and who) they do. These fifty sexy, thoughtful, and sometimes pained poems do right by sex, love, and sometimes pain, not to mention menstrual blood, greasy hair, funny faces, and watering eyes.”
–Ben Greenman, author of “What He’s Poised to Do” and “Please Step Back”

“Kendra Grant Malone’s poetry feels like your first kiss and your first razorblade cut all at once. Reading these poems reminds me of listening to Johnny Cash or The Gun Club when it’s dark and you’re alone, and you realize for the first time that everything is probably not going to be OK, but at least the music’s good. She is an angel of mourning, she is brilliant, and there is no other poet like her.”
–Michael Schaub, managing editor of Bookslut.com

"I’ve been waiting for Kendra Grant Malone’s debut collection for what seems like a very long time. I’ll never forget the first time I read one of her poems. It was like a grand canyon had opened up in my head, ready for Malone’s voice to fill it with endless streams of horrifically real and beautiful things. Here, in Everything is Quiet, Malone fills our heads with the period sex in which “it looked like someone had been/ murdered in my room,” the man who “survived for many months/ on a life raft” and “while adrift/…developed romantic feelings/about spaghetti and meatballs,” and the “hellfire” she “would surely like to” “put into a mouth.” Within the quiet and noisy spaces in this book, Malone shows icy strength to make clear the time in which she finally “understood/ that a man once/ broke my/ mother’s ribs/ for sport” and that “we are the animals.” And how could we not listen to a poet whose “metaphysical self is/ a large white frigidaire”? We must. We must listen and we must read this book. This is the voice we’ve been waiting for for a long time. With every gorgeous word in here, you can see the gentle and ferocious tide quietly overturning." - Dorothea Lasky, author of "Awe" and "Black Life"

Here is me reading at my release party in a really nice dress that my wonderful press-mate and BFF, Matthew Savoca helped me pick out.

let's go to the mall from matthew savoca on Vimeo.

tallboys and xanax

2010-07-24T22:34:00.002-05:00

i should really buy another bookcase but i kind of like watching books collect in little piles around the apartment

when you are an atheist, people's spiritually geared threats just make you sad in a strange little way that feels like watching a puppy get kicked in the side

i just can't ever really understand someone who's native language doesn't have two different words for like and love

there is a clock in my apartment that, when i look at it for a while, reminds me of a time in my life when i never thought i would ever get so many things delivered in the mail

it is just too hot outside to wear a wig right now

my vagina is a book, and other news

2010-06-16T12:56:00.004-05:00

Hey! It's been so long since I blogged I feel a little weird today. But some things must be said.

First, my vagina has turned into a book.

Second, I have a new ebook out today from bearcreekfeed called Chasing Pigeons Makes Me Feel More Powerful (true story). I think Colin Bassett is wonderful and have always loved his website. A long time ago he posted a short story of mine called Second Favorite Girl In Brooklyn that you can go read too. I'm excited about the ebook because this fall I have a full length poetry collection coming out from Scrambler Books this fall titled Everything Is Quiet. Most of the poems in this ebook will be in the Scrambler book, so consider it like a type of preview.

I've been focusing a lot lately on larger projects, taking some time away from the nets. Feels pretty good, but now it seems like I should get back to blogging again. Duty calls, or whatever.

oh my goodness, another chapbook, holy cow will it stop?

2010-01-26T15:54:00.002-06:00

So the lovely, beautiful, 5' 3", brilliant, Amy Berkowitz has a little micro publishing project called Mondo bummer, and they have released a short story of mine called Laura, for only $1.

She puts a lot of work and effort into these hand-made mini books, for just a ridiculously low price. I doubt it even covers the cost of making them. Do both her and I a favor and buy one.

HTML GIANT

2010-01-10T13:24:00.000-06:00

Posted a poem of mine today.

Yay!

These Houses Savoca Edition

2009-12-14T20:30:00.004-06:00

Recently, Matthew Savoca has started to contribute to an old blog of mine called We Will Always Live In These Houses. His first post is up and I really love it. I feel really happy about this cause I get asked a lot why I stopped writing it and the answer is simple, I just ran out of photos. Now Matthew is bringing new fun material to it. You should follow it as it comes along.

i listen to this every morning

2009-12-03T14:12:00.001-06:00

elimae

2009-12-01T09:38:00.000-06:00

Two new poems at elimae today.

Ta-da

Past Simple 7

2009-11-20T00:59:00.001-06:00

I have two new poems up at Past Simple 7.

I watched The Red Balloon tonight. I don't have much else to say.

I live a quiet little life these days.

NOO job LOL

2009-11-11T22:53:00.003-06:00

So from now on I will be the Social Editor for Noo Journal. Basically it means I will be interviewing everyone ever published by Noo, for the blog. How neat/omg that is a lot of people and a lot of emailing.

To start, Mike Young The Great, interviewed me. It's pretty serious. Yeah. And to make things sweeter, Mike dug out this really old weird picture of me eating breakfast for the blog (I think it was for sentimental reasons, cause it was the first time we hung out and now we are good ol' friends {also, I think Mike has a breakfast fetish, seriously he talks about it like to an uncomfortable degree}). Great.

PN!

2009-11-03T21:20:00.003-06:00

The new issue of Pear Noir! is up for pre-order and I'm really excited about getting mine, not because I have a couple of things in it, and so I get it free (haha I win), but because once again I've ended up in very good company. In the last little while when ever I get a contributor copy of something in the mail, I've been so flushed and happy but embarrassed at the extremely high quality of the work I get to be accompanying. It's a really nice feeling.

There are things from all these amazing people: R.A. Allen, Eric Beeny, Andrew Borgstrom, Megan Boyle, Ron Burch, Edmond Caldwell, Jesse Cataldo, Jimmy Chen, Evan Cleveland, Ryan Dilbert, Russell Edson, David Fishkind, Roxane Gay, Ben Greenman, Bridgette E. Hahn, Mickey Hess, Christopher Higgs, Robert Hinderliter, Lily Hoang (a newly discovered favorite of mine), Emily Hockaday, Rich Ives, Kendra Grant Malone, Sally Wen Mao, Chris Moran, Dan Moreau, Jay Pabarue, Michelle Reale, Andrew Reger, Katelyn Romaine, Peter Shippy, Noel Sloboda, Lee Minh Sloca, Chris Smith, Curtis Smith, Garrett Socol, Audri Sousa, John Dermot Woods, Barry Yourgrau

You can order it here.

Also, I have been asked to contribute to the Post Card Single Series for this issue, which is a little extra post card with a poem of mine titled I've Taken To Watching Romantic Comedies While You Are Away. This only goes out with the first 50 copies so buy them up quick!

And coincidentally, a MLP stamp story I wrote titled I Slapped You will come with all pre-ordered copies of the issue.

I feel like I accidentally overwhelmed this issue with myself. If you don't like my writing just wait a few weeks and those other benefits will be gone and you can just skip the two things I have in the mag. If you do like me then buy the fuck up!

proud of new tattoo- introducing . . . armond!

2009-11-03T03:47:00.002-06:00

i make very good decisions drunk and high on pills at three in the morning, always have, that's just my thing.

red is only my favorite color because i am partially color blind

2009-10-28T01:03:00.002-05:00

my mouth feels filled with sand lately

wunderkrammer & la fovea

2009-10-13T17:17:00.002-05:00

Two new things up today. First my wunderkrammer kid story is up. This project is edited by the amazing Kathryn Regina for the next week or so.

Also, I have two poems up at la fovea. This is a neat little site. The person on the site before me was Sean Lovelace. And now I get to pick someone to follow me. Neato.

Also, also, don't forget to read my new ebook Conor Oberst Sex, if you haven't yet. If you have, thank you baby.

Conor Oberst Sex

2009-10-12T17:51:00.003-05:00

An ebook I wrote last year with Tao Lin, Conor Oberst Sex is now live at Happy Cobra Books.

"This little book made me want to call my friends and tell them they are not lonely but are loved. It also made me want to wear a shirt that says I HAD SEX WITH CONOR OBERST. It's modern and fresh and confessional and you should read it."

-Shane Jones, author of Light Boxes and some other shit

Hill Billy Teeth

2009-10-05T14:05:00.003-05:00

We don't know how it started that night. We were very drunk, but then, on the road, we were rarely not drunk. Earlier that day in some town in Wisconsin we bought little plastic "hill billy" teeth. The next bar we went to everyone there had teeth just like the ones we had bought. The dancing began much later in the night though. After we had grown very tired from traveling all day we found a frightening motel in the town we wanted to be in. We listened to the most romantic music we had while we fucked very tenderly on the squeaky old bed. After, I cried while Eric smoked in the doorway. When he came back to me he changed the music to something happy. I think I threw my ugliest panties at him, the ones I wear when I am on my period. I felt a little surprised when he put them on, but not too surprised because he had done that before. Little flashes of memories are all I have left of that night. I put my bra on him and it stretched flat over his skinny chest. He began to dance for me like a gay stripper, I think to make me laugh, because crying makes him angry and unhappy. One of his balls fell from my lime green cotton panties (with white polka dots and pink trim). He put in the more horrible looking teeth and I was so moved by his desperate display, his pathetic desire to make me laugh. I was still naked when I stood and put on his underwear and the other pair of hill billy teeth. Next we were listening to British dance music, but slow dancing, like a waltz. His face was very sincere when he stared at me then, with those stupid teeth protruding from his pretty feminine lips. I thought about slapping his face while we waltzed, but I laid my head on him instead.

Little Books Anthology

2009-10-01T07:19:00.002-05:00

The beloved J.A. Tyler is anthologizing every little book MLP put out in its first year. The release date is January 1st. The list of writers is just fucking awesome: ken baumann, shane jones, jimmy chen, brandi wells, blake butler, nick antosca, sam pink, james chapman, colin bassett, michael kimball, jac jemc, kim chinquee, kim parko, norman lock, randall brown, brian evenson, michael stewart, peter markus, ken sparling, aaron burch, david ohle, matthew savoca, p. h. madore, johannes göransson, ryan call, elizabeth ellen, molly gaudry, kevin wilson, mary hamilton, craig davis, kendra grant malone, lavie tidhar, lily hoang, mark baumer, ben tanzer, krammer abrahams, joshua cohen, eugene lim, c. l. bledsoe, joanna ruocco, josh maday, & michael martone.

You can pre-order it here: MLP: FIRST YEAR

above: post blood brother initiation with daniel bailey and myself, in muncie indiana (scene not included in RAPE CHILDREN)

My little book has gone and sold out. Thanks to all the people who bought it, blogged it, facebooked it and wrote me nice emails about it. Now the only way to get your hands on one is to buy the anthology. Or you could eat me out and maybe I'll give you a contributor copy.

hello, hi, hey

2009-09-29T15:15:00.000-05:00

YIPPY SKIPPY YOU LIKE ME

2009-09-15T15:02:00.002-05:00

Rape Children is almost sold out. I guess there are only a handful left. Go here, if you haven't already bought it.

Four Short Poems (we all wanted to cry but we just laughed for a bit instead)

2009-09-12T15:18:00.004-05:00

You Might Be Running Out Of Time To Accomplish Whatever It Is That Makes You Behave The Funny Way You Do

have you ever drank
cheap red wine
out of a ginger ale
bottle on the train?

There Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of, Unless You Are Talking About Those Overly Sentimental Conversations You Have Late At Night With Drunk Friends

i smelled his book
while he touched
my father's tooth

Some Day I Hope There Is A Song With My Name In The Title, But Not Actually About Me, But The Odds Of That Happening Are Against Me Because My Name Is Just A Little Bit Unusual

you are not nostalgic
for things before
your time
i just don't
understand that

Widespread Global Panic Is Maybe The Only Thing That I Can't Imagine Actually Happening, And Thinking About It Makes Me Wistful For Things That Never Happened

"I looked up my missing and exploited children's report online today and they spelled my name wrong. No wonder they never found me."

MPL Chapbook Now Available

2009-09-08T11:45:00.002-05:00

You can buy my chapbook Rape Children now for $3.

I really like MLP books. I have a full 18 volume subscription. I recommend doing this. J.A. Tyler has a really good handle on the style of his micro press and every month you get three little books in the mail. I really love little book day. So do my roommates.

Gustaf

2009-09-03T21:01:00.002-05:00

Holy crap! What a nice magazine! I'm really happy to be included in such a great line up and with so many friends. Seriously folks, not a bad page in the thing.

Jon Hojlund Arnfred
Crispin Best
Arne Borge
Jimmy Chen
Noah Cicero
Wagner Israel Cilio III
David Fishkind
Brandon Scott Gorrell
Paul Habeeb
Brandon Hobson
Victoria Kielland
Sara Johanne Bjerkvik Leinaas
Tao Lin
Ryan Manning
Chelsea Martin
Astrid Hygen Meyer
Audun Mortensen
Sam Pink
Matthew Savoca
Nathan Tyree
Hanne Ulla
Jon Vaughn
Fredrik Wilhelmsen

Buy it here for what I think to be extremely affordable. Don't be cheap dudes (dudettes).

POETS & PUPPETS

2009-08-18T13:49:00.003-05:00

face book event page

POETS & PUPPETS
Saturday, August 29, 8pm
Brooklyn, NY

BLAKE BUTLER has published more short stories than Jonathan Safran Foer and Nicole Krauss combined. He is the author of EVER, a novella (Calamari Press), and the forthcoming Scorch Atlas, a novel in stories (Featherproof Books).

ISH KLEIN's book, Union! came out April 2009 through the Canarium Press. Her poems have been published in The Canary, Gare du Nord, The Hat magazine, X-connect, Bridge, Spork and are online. She also makes movies and lives in Philadelphia. Please see Ish Klein's new book UNION! http://unionbook.blogspot.com/

DOROTHEA LASKY is the author of AWE (Wave Books, 2007) and Black Life (Wave Books, 2010). Currently, she studies creativity and education at the University of Pennsylvania.

KENDRA GRANT MALONE is the author of five chapbooks, which include Love Your Friends and Not Your Lovers (bore parade) and Conor Oberst Sex (co-written with Tao Lin, forthcoming from Happy Cobra Books). When she came up with the idea for this party, she stole Leigh's heart.

LEIGH STEIN is the author of How to Mend a Broken Heart with Vengeance (Dancing Girl Press) and Least Inhabited Island II (h-ngm-n Combatives). She has always preceded Mike Young alphabetically.

MIKE YOUNG is the author of We Are All Good If They Try Hard Enough (Publishing Genius 2010) and two chapbooks: MC Oroville's Answering Machine (Transmission Press) and Real Sturdy Thing (Stormy Petrel Press). He co-edits NOÖ Journal and Magic Helicopter Press. Visit him online at http://mikeayoung.blogspot.com.

ALSO APPEARING:

We Play Parties

Josh Garret-Davis

*** Please BYO booze & friends (some friends may be provided).
+++ Email me for the house address.

Everything Is Quiet Update

2009-08-18T02:03:00.002-05:00

I have finally finished editing my poetry manuscript, Everything Is Quiet.

Would any small presses like to look at it, or does anyone know of poetry presses that accept first book submissions, that are not part of a contest? I'm sure there a handful that I may have overlooked floating out there.

Email me at malone.kendra@gmail.com

all the little sounds

2009-07-31T10:31:00.004-05:00

i've been thinking a lot
about babies
he looked
really scared when
i told him that
no i mean,
i don't want one,
i just feel obsessed
with them right now
he still looked scared
when he
took off his t-shirt
and lifted mine,
he shoved it under
making a misshapen
lump
he looked scared still
when he laid his head
on the demented looking
mound
and said to my stomach
mon bébé, ma famille
i laid back
embarrassed and satisfied
and fantasized about
crushing all the bones in
his face
and all the little sounds
they would make
snap snap snap

Ex Cathedra

2009-07-12T13:15:00.002-05:00

I have a new story live today, at Ex Cathedra. It's actually a really old story, but it's new to you. My story starts on page 71. There are some other familiar faces, like my baby boy Matthew Savoca.

broadway junction

2009-07-11T18:49:00.003-05:00

i had this dream last night
broadway junction
she spoke to me
her language
was these strange
whirs and whines
she asked me
if we would burn her down
she wanted to be ashes
i told her
yes
i told her
i'm sorry honey
i asked her
if
when she's all ashes
if we could retrieve
her stained glass
pieces
and wear them
as our halos
she said
sure

as i got off the train
she said
one more thing
kendra,
tell eric
i always loved
him

*UPDATE*

this has been reblogged at this strange little place.

sammy, my darling giant

2009-07-09T22:07:00.002-05:00

above: sammy doing something illegal behind giant metal legs, but i wont say what

I was in Chicago a while back. It was a really sad weekend for me. However, I did meet sammy. He wrote this really nice thing about the day and evening we spent wandering, being worthless, magnificent losers together.

Also, if you haven't already, you should join the list to get Stephen Elliot's The Adderall Diaries for free. I read it, it's pretty incredible. You would be stupid not to sign up for this. Go here for more info.

accessible babies

2009-07-07T10:45:00.003-05:00

I had a dream last night that you caught me eating a booger. You looked at me, unamused, and said "I always knew you did that."

you can't stop listening

2009-07-06T16:41:00.001-05:00

I am wearing my red moccasins everyday this week as a silent protest to your absence.

pride is a weird thing to have

2009-07-05T12:02:00.003-05:00

dear friends and nice people who like me,

last month a goal of mine was to have a finished poetry manuscript. i did not make my goal. i have a manuscript compiled titled, Everything Is Quiet. it is one hundred and five pages long. i don't know exactly how many poems are in it.

i have run into what feels like an unconquerable problem. the problem is that i have medium to severe grade dyslexia. anyone who has lent me a book probably noticed it takes me months to finish something very simple. right now my manuscript is organized in alphabetical order, and the order is not very good. i am having an extremely hard time.

if anyone has any spare time and feels competent, i am asking for help. i get vertigo every time i look at the word document now. if someone could just read it and help me with suggestions, or help me edit it, it would mean the world to me. i am willing to pay a small fee if necessary.

i feel like i cant go on enjoying life until this is done and submitted to places.

also, if any publisher is curious about the manuscript, an early badly edited draft is available.

im feeling really embarrassed now. please don't make fun of me.

love,

kgm

Ocho 25

2009-07-04T15:14:00.001-05:00

The new Ocho is out. I have a story in it. Blake Butler edited it.

It is loaded with amazing.

Go read it.

Like, right now.

things that make me cry

2009-06-06T10:45:00.002-05:00

Some weirdo named Martin Wall wrote this poem about me. I really like the poem and I was drunk when I read it last night so I balled myself to sleep.

Thank you Martin.

Also, my beautiful and talented roommate is having an open house at her studio in Bushwick today and tomorrow. Come by for free wine and to look at all of her amazing work. More info here.

Some Poems

2009-05-27T12:55:00.002-05:00

I have new things on this blog.

Is there anyone out there who reads this that knows a lot about grad schools? I need some help. I have a BFA in filmmaking from a very good school, but I want to apply for a masters degree in general psychology. I have an awesome GPA and generally do very well on tests and application essays, but I have this problem that I don't have the prerequisite 12 credits of science/humanities classes that I need for most of the programs I want to be in. Can anyone tell me what to do? I don't know what to do. Also, I am not rich and have no resource (i.e. parents, grandparents, trust fund) to pay for the credits I need. Plz halp.

nous sommes des animaux

2009-04-28T21:56:00.000-05:00

i say
we are the animals
you just stare
you stare too hard
you say
nous sommes des animaux
and i say
you are using me
for a character in
your stupid book
and i say
you are using me for
a green card
you say
nous sommes des animaux
i can't breathe on the bus
and again in bed
i hold my hands up
to channel the breath
you say
nous sommes des animaux
you say
its okay
its okay
you say
nous sommes des animaux
i say
you need to be slapped
you say
you need to be whipped
i don't want to be whipped
your half nelson
is better than mine
i say
j'ai besoin d'une fessée
i say
i don't think they liked me
you say
you are wrong
they liked you just fine
you say
calm down
jane eyre

i have a reading & {p.s.}

2009-04-24T18:06:00.003-05:00

APRIL 27th
8PM
FREEEEEEE

W/ JACK CHRISTIAN & JONO TOSEH
@ AMHERST BOOKS

{p.s. apologies for not keeping up on the blogoshpere. recently lost a grandma, family turmoil yada yada, will return to you all soon}

jealousy is not a very modern thing at all

2009-04-07T21:15:00.004-05:00

i can't promise i won't lie to you
i can't really promise you anything
i will only love you when
you wear a tie,
when you wear it to bed
so i can clip it
while you sleep

wigleaf

2009-03-25T11:07:00.002-05:00

I have a new story up at wigleaf.

I have always loved wigleaf a lot so this makes me so happy, you know?

Also, they do this funny post card thing. I never used to read them, but Scott asked me to write one. I didn't know what to do so I went and read them all. Now I think I prefer them to the stories. You can read mine, if you want.

there is no truth in what the others say

2009-03-18T17:25:00.003-05:00

why is your smile so pleading?
she shrugged

i suppose i just didn't want
to talk to you.
he winced

are you in love with someone?
she thought for a moment
then answered

i don't know, are you?

no.

shame on you then.

Abraham Lincoln Magazine UPDATE ML PRESS DEALZ

2009-03-17T22:37:00.003-05:00

I'm in the latest issue. It's such a good magazine. Go buy a copy, it's real cheap. My homie Daniel Bailey is in it too.

featuring work by

David Larsen
Clark Coolidge
Rob Halpern
Kristen Gallagher
Mel Nichols
Jennifer Garcia
K. Lorraine Graham
Mike Hauser
Anton Helgi Jónsson (trans. Eiríkur Örn Norðdahl)
Elizabeth Bachinsky
Lanny Quarles
Daniel Bailey
Sandra Simonds
Sharon Mesmer
James Wagner
Kendra Grant Malone
Gary Sullivan

*

also, i just noticed on the ml press blog that they are currently offering six month subscriptions for their chapbook series. you can get a guaranteed copy of every title coming out in the next six months, including my book titled Rape Children, along with a lot of other awesome authors. Subscribe here.

a conversation i just had with my mother on the phone

2009-03-11T17:57:00.002-05:00

me: i have a new boyfriend

my mother: oh yeah? what is he like?

me: well, he is french and very kind to me. he writes books in france, that is how i met him, at a reading. the morning after i first met him he left me a copy of his book with a very loving note in it on my bed stand

my mother: well, i guess that's better than a twenty dollar bill

me: only a twenty, really mom?

my mother: sweetpea, don't flatter yourself

blurbs

2009-03-10T16:24:00.003-05:00

does anyone want to blurb any of the small books that i have coming out? i dont know how to go about this and i am generally too shy to email people i dont know. halp me plz.

EILEEN MYLES IF YOU COME ACROSS THIS I WOULD JUST DIE IF YOU BLURBED ONE OF MY POETRY BOOKS, YOU ARE MY FAVORITE LIVING POET

lying in bed with you feels a bit like my favorite book

2009-03-08T12:52:00.002-05:00

i understand you
better when
you speak your
language rather
than mine
your eyes go so
wide when yo say
'pourquoi? pourquoi?'
it's amazing that you
love being alive so
very much
and you can't
understand why i
often don't
you must have had
a nice childhood with
nothing weighing on
you
most of my
favorite books and
some of my favorite
movies are about
depressed anglo-saxon
women living in paris
with men they
hardly know
and yes,
i have no desire
to see
the empire state
building either

oh i am feeling excitable

2009-03-01T17:53:00.002-06:00

in the next few months i have four short books coming out. two are chapbooks, two are e-books. one will have supplemental drawings. one will have music accompanying it. one was written with another writer who is more culturally relevant than i am. one is a lot of poems that i feel very attached to. one is about a friend in indiana who i love very much.

this will be a good spring for me, i feel. i will keep you updated.

a journal entry i wrote today that ended up becoming a short essay on fidelity

2009-02-21T14:16:00.005-06:00

I promise to stop blogging journal entries so much.

{because I've been asked three times in one day, I would like to clarify that 'German' is not Zac German. he is a man from columbia who's names is pronounced more like 'Herman' that is of no relation or significance to the literary world}

*

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about fidelity. What brought this about was a text I received from German. On Valentines Day I texted him “Do you have a girlfriend?” Two days later he responded with “Yes I do.” I told him not to contact me anymore. I’ve been talking to people about this a lot the past week, because it hurt me, and the responses I’ve been getting, although varied in syntax all seem to express a certain damnation of my promiscuity. Surprisingly from people who have in the past expressed admiration of my behavior, support, or at the least indifference. The only person I have talked to about the situation that responded in a comforting way was Tao, who simply said, “There will be others.”

I keep it no secret to people who engage me in conversation that I don’t believe in the act of fidelity in any way. I feel it to be a betrayal of one’s self and honesty. I am amazed that even upon a long winded elaboration of the concept, many people only garner that it is in the interest of promiscuity. I feel that I am faced with many reasons to reject this social structure but still have yet to hear a compelling reason to adhere to it. Even people who in the past have acted as I do, and have expressed agreement to me have recently receded those feelings, now that they are in a relationship. But what I see is those people struggling with fidelity. The closest I’ve come to a good reason to support fidelity is the protection of jealousy. The problem is that I’ve never seen this work in practice. People often make romanticized explanations of “saving themselves for their lover” or some sort of gifting of their body in a sole way to express love for someone. ****** recently argued that this was in no way an expression of “body ownership politics.” I had a hard time believing her. Even ****** who is forever analytical started using vague abstractions and romantic language. Nothing made sense to me, making it unarguable.

There are some trends that I have noticed that I think are important to note. First, it seems that the people who gain the most from my beliefs in an open sexual environment are the first to be judgmental of it. What I mean is that the harshest critisms have been coming from a) the friends of mine who love to hear about my sexual exploits. For now lets call them they voyeurs. I don’t mean that in a cruel way. I myself enjoy exchanges with people who seem to live a little vicariously through what I tell them. I like to talk and write about the sex I have as a way to relive it and also, it helps me to analyze situations. For me it is a mutually positive relationship. Unfortunately these are some of the first people to over simplify my occasional unhappiness with the situation. Like people in relationships often are, I from time to time am unsatisfied with the outcome of an affair in an emotional way. Often it is pointed out to me with the tone of “you get what you pay for.” I find this offensive but often I don’t like to argue that with people, because it will become a long winded diatribe, that will no doubt put both of us in a bad mood. There is another group of people who are often harsh in their opinions who are b) the people I have sex with. Just a few days ago I was lamenting to a man that I have been sleeping with in a casual way for over a year now about German. He proceeded to tell me that I attract people who need to “blow off steam” because of my frankness and how quickly I sleep with them. I became very angry with this person and refused to speak to him for a few days. I got many apologies and a load of sweet things my way from him. I agreed to see him that week. We watched a movie and laid on the couch together. Eventually we went to bed because I said it was okay for him to sleep over. He then got very aggressive with me and we had sex. It was nice. However, it was a little funny in retrospect what had transpired over the previous few days. This happens often with my male lovers. First a wave of critism, then when I revoke my kindness and friendship to them they suddenly want to have sex and will say anything to make things better and mend the relationship. I think that most times this is motivated by jealousy.

The other trend I have noticed is that the people who are the least likely to practice safe sex are the ones that are “cheating” on their significant lovers. This something that one might not believe, but I’ve been doing the field work and have found that only those who are being dishonest with themselves, their lovers, or me are the ones who want to have sex without a condom.

I haven’t felt possessive and jealous in a very long time. Often I feel frustrated with the dishonesty of people, like German. But everyone I see also see other people. Arguably the least kind and friendly lover I’ve had in some time, ****, has treated me with the most respect and has never hurt my feelings in anyway, because of his honesty with me. He has never hid his intentions and always tells me if he needs to take time off from sleeping together and generally being in touch because he is trying to take another relationship seriously. When these stints are over I am always around when he wants me because I never have any bitter feelings, and also, I just love having sex with him.

I’ve been going over an analogy in my head lately about my sexual transgressions. I feel like having sex to me, is a lot like eating food. The desire to do it is instinct. It cannot be smothered. Even animals who have been nutuerd hump objects. Now, people are sometimes saying things to me like “what do you see in him/her?” Nicole hates many of my lovers because she does not like them on a friendly or cerebral level. I see it as this; There are days I want a very expensive meal, organic vegan food, caviar, and home cooked dinners passed down from older generations. But there are also days that I want to eat chips and salsa, french fries, doughnuts, coffee with too much sugar, jolly ranchers, etc. I know I am over simplifying here but it is to make a point. People who over romanticize their food are called yuppies. They annoy people. But even the most liberal minded people I know romanticize what I see as just another bodily function. The candy I eat is always wrapped, and the same goes for the sex I have.

Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs

2009-02-19T12:50:00.002-06:00

I just got Ellen Kennedy's book, Some Times My Heart Pushes My Ribs. It's the first release of Muumuu House. Yesterday I didn't do anything. It was my day off and I spent the entire day at my computer, chatting with people, making submissions and editing old crap. It was raining and I intended to stay in my pajamas all day. Tao sent me a message as soon as the shipment of her books arrived and I immediately left my warm little apartment in Brooklyn, to ride a train for an hour, got the book, and then rode the train an hour back home. By the time I was home I had already read the book 1.3 times through. It is a short concise book of poetry and short fiction. Last night I read the book 2 more times. Today on the train to work I read it again. Ellen's work is addictive, you can re read her simple sentences many times and garner new moods each time. After spending less than one day with this book in my possession I can honestly say that I'm really excited what 20 year old Ellen Kennedy does with the rest of what I'm sure will be a very long career.

Everyone should buy a copy of this book here, because I'm sure they will adore it as much as I do.

CAVES by Matthew Simmons

2009-02-18T14:33:00.003-06:00

It's really incredible. I enjoyed it so much I read it twice in an hour.

Read it here.

Here is a gchat that i just had with Matthew:

me: do you have a cat?

Matthew: yep

emmett

me: aw

good name

Matthew: i have a tattoo of my cat

me: really!?

you rule

so hard

Matthew: it's on my forearm

a cross between my cat and the old black cat firecrackers logo

me: <3

kitties are zee best

Matthew: he was, unsurprisingly, unimpressed

me: hahahah

fickle creatures

Matthew: but when it was healing, it smelled like a wound

so he would try to lick it

cats are sorta gorss

gorss

gross

there it is

me: my cat licks my hair when i sleep

like frantically

big mac's are just so great

2009-02-16T22:44:00.001-06:00

some random journal excerpts from the past few months

2009-02-15T23:43:00.003-06:00

In the morning there was a cup of coffee waiting for me on the kitchen table. From there on all day I did nothing but walk on the beach and drink wine and spend time with my father. At one point late in the afternoon I look a very long walk along the shore. I stopped for a while to write METAPHYSICAL in the sand and then take photos of it. There was an attractive man watching me do it, and I had wanted to kiss him and then run away, but when I thought about it a bit, I realized I have enough romance in my life to sort through. I regret doing this, and did from the very moment I walked away and looked back to find him with his hands on his head inspecting what I had been writing on my hands and knees in the sand. Dad’s cousin came over for a bit, along with my Great Aunt Joan and her husband Jack. I haven’t seen them all since I was a child. It was lovely to sit around and have pleasant conversation with them until my Grandparents arrived for Thanksgiving dinner. We all ate and moods were well, which felt strange to me because it was obvious to everyone that we were there to say goodbye to Grandma. Ali and I were a bit drunk and we had a food fight with whipped cream and then wrestled on the floor and after a while everyone left. When everyone was gone we took vicodin and then walked on the beach together. She told me that the night before Dad had said to her that his will had declared me the conservator of Juan’s estate. I felt good about this. We went home and watched a movie with Dad. I was too high to pay too much attention to it. Ali fell asleep. After the movie Dad went and sat outside. I got my ipod and ran to the beach alone. I was feeling really stoned at this point. I walked for a bit listening to Philip Glass again. I don’t know what inspired it but I took off my pants and pulled up my hoodie and walked into the ocean until I was waist deep. I smoked a cigarette and listened to music this way for a song or two before I decided that it was foolish of me not to swim, the water was frigid. I went to shore and took off my soaked panties and my shirt and hoodie. I ran back into the water totally naked. I was afraid to go completely under the water. It was so so so dark. I thought there might be sharks or stingray or jellyfish. And the cold was so close to unbearable. But I just kept looking out at the horizon and felt so incredibly small that it seemed harmless to my life to swim for just a moment. So I waited for a wave to carry me and I took a deep breath and submerged. I swallowed a large mouthful of water. My lungs went tight and my whole body felt light, like it was hollow and my euphoria was more like a delightful frenzy for a moment. Then just as quickly I remembered how cold I was and I ran for the beach. I stumbled and fell in the sand and felt silly. I put my clothes back on and ran home. At home I took a hot shower and fell asleep with Ali on the couch. I slept there all night. My sleep was restless but I was still so happy.

This morning I woke up in Florida. I ate pancakes Dad made again and drank coffee. We went to my Grandparents house to say goodbye. Then we left. Ali gave me a Vicodin for the plane. It was a lovely plane ride. I felt comfortable the entire ride. I arrived home a few hours ago. Kyle cannot come over tonight, but he is coming in the morning when he gets off work and I asked him to bring cocaine to wake me up a bit. I am quite drunk now. I will go to bed soon.

*

The other day on the train I was thinking about satiability. I could not think of any time in my life I felt satiated in any regard, in respect to the things I desire and enjoy. I am still slowly mulling over that idea and what it means. I fear that it is just mostly semantic.

*

I would like to wax for a bit about the nicer parts of my week with German. I was so dreamy eyed and wrapped up that I forgot to write about him at all, and since this might be the last entry where I have opportunity to write about him without anger, I want to do so now. To start, last night seems appropriate, because of it’s freshness. There is a moment that should be noted here, because of how profound it felt to me. We had sex three times in a few hours and we were reasonably exhausted at 5 am. We laid on our backs, I had my arms around him and he had his head on my shoulder. I had just given him a back massage for about an hour and he was very lucid with his emotions. We were, at the time, talking about childhood. He mentioned to me his obsession with a South American folk singer he had at the age of thirteen. Then he softly sang a line in my ear. I told him how soft it made me feel when he sang or spoke to me in Spanish. Without continuing the conversation he sang to me Spanish folk for the next half hour. I stared at the ceiling while listening to him and I scratched his head and the nape of his neck. It occurred to me at many moments during that half hour how surreal this felt and a wave of elation kept passing through my brain. It was similar to the feeling one gets about two hours after taking a large rail of cocaine and the happiness is beginning to wane but still feels unnaturally good. It’s this space of thought where one has to enjoy what is happening while battling a sense of irony and sarcasm. I think it is the difficulty of doing so that makes those types of moments so elating, rather than what is actually happening in the room.

*

It’s 5:30 am and I cannot sleep. ******* is asleep in my room and has been since about nine last night. I’ve been crying a lot lately. Not for any distinct reason. Many things have been mounting on me I suppose and I’ve become incredibly tender. I’ve been wanting so badly for someone to hold me and listen to me, maybe even pity me but there is no one like that in my life. This is an unfortunate product of my lifestyle. If you refuse to be traditional and monogamous, people rarely see you as a romantic tender person. I have accepted this, but it still makes for lonely nights when I cant sleep.

NANO Fiction

2009-02-08T16:58:00.002-06:00

NANO Fiction featured my story on their web page for their next issue. Go read it, and then pre-order the print copy here.

please don't misunderstand me, honey

2009-02-04T19:53:00.002-06:00

when I told him
he smelled like christmas
i think he misunderstood me
it seemed like he thought
i was making
a romantic
statement
i should have been
more clear
i was trying
to save time
now he has
the wrong idea
about me
all i meant
was that
his deodorant
reminded me of
this certain candle
my mother likes to
burn during the
holidays
i knew something
was wrong
in the morning
when i looked out
the window and he
stood with me and
looked as well
i said "its a clear
day today"
and he took my
hand and said
"what do you
mean?"

Robin Cotton

2009-02-01T10:25:00.003-06:00

Today I found the website of an old friend of mine, Robin Cotton. We went to arts high together, and then MCAD together. For a summer we lived together. At one point in time, Robin and I were very good at making soup together. Once, we saw a lady taking a shit (we think) in our back yard. Another time Robin came home after I had been lying on the couch in the dark for three hours listening to Beck on repeat in headphones, crying. "Are you ok?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. Robin is a sculptor. He has always been pretty amazing. He has a blog too. You should go look at his really pretty work and if you like it send him an email, because I bet that would make him smile.

Robin, if you are reading this, I kind of miss you.

little used up tea bags cannot sing, no, that is a silly idea

2009-01-30T21:46:00.003-06:00

the third cup
i fill
using the same tea
bag is so
worthless that
i just watch it
since i've left you
i've been feeling
depressed
i haven't seen
anyone i was supposed
to see
i haven't done
any of the things
i like to do
i've read five
books this week
and took sleep
aids to get high
a little
i stare at the
little tea bag
that has exhausted
its purpose
and it reminds me
of how much
i wish you had just
rested your head
on my lap and
cried instead of
sitting beside
the bathtub while
i sang to you
a door away

I Miss Muncie

2009-01-29T10:03:00.001-06:00

In the morning 666 had been carved into the wallpaper downstairs. I think you did that in your sleep, I said. You looked amazed while you ran your fingers over the numbers. No, I think you did, you said. I couldn't have, I'm not tall enough, I said. This is so perfect, I said while we stood together.

little girls are women somehow in some way

2009-01-17T21:25:00.002-06:00

"no no
no"
is what women
utter in despair
"no no
no"
i cried it
into my pillow
at age 13
when i understood
that a man once
broke my
mother's ribs
for sport
"no no
no"
and she came
into my room
to hold me
"what's wrong my
baby?"
even children know
not to tell
a person
about pity

BIR

2009-01-11T21:20:00.000-06:00

new work duuuuuuudes

read it puh-lease

buy the first issue of corduroy mnt.

2009-01-06T10:48:00.002-06:00

Features work by:
Peter Berghoef, Shane Jones, Brooklyn Copeland, Forest Roth, Blake Butler, Mandy Billings, Brandon Shimoda, Sommer Browning, Adam Maynard, Joshua Ware, Drew Kalbach, B.J. Love, Kevin Wilson, Kendra Malone, Jac Jemc, Eric Amling, and James Iredell

go buy it here.

Young Love

2009-01-03T19:50:00.003-06:00

“Kendra! Happy New Year dahlink!”

Irena leaped from around a corner and startled me a bit. Her hair was down and she had a playful expression on her face, which made me feel strange, because I had never seen an older woman look playful without the presence of small children. Also, I had never seen her hair down. I followed her down the hall to a small room.

“It’s been almost three weeks dahlink. It’s been much too long. Where has been my Kendra?”

“Oh I’ve been ill, also, I have been gone for the holidays.”

“S’okay dahlink, let’s get to business.”

Irena prepared the medical table where I was to lay. I took off my skirt and underwear, careful to hide it behind me, because I was embarrassed that it was a tattered old pair of panties. I laid on the table and watched her move about. She smiled at me while she cut strips of paper, got her tweezers, and checked the temperature of the wax by putting a small drop on the inside of her arm, they way a mother checks the temperature of stove heated milk. I spread my legs and she put her hand on my knee. Irena always looks beautiful, I thought.

“How is your love life dear? Who has come and gone? Three weeks is a long time for my Kendra.”

“Oh yes,” I said while she spread hot wax on me. It felt warm and comforting, but only a little. She pressed a strip of paper on me and pulled it off efficiently. I flinched. She was still waiting for my answer. She put more wax on me and I clenched my fists at my side.

“Well, two lovers are gone. One I didn’t even have a chance to tell you about. The other was the one from Florida. But while home I went on a date with the most beautiful woman. She might be flying out to see me soon.”

She tore a strip of hair out. I felt like I might puke for a brief moment. Irena wiggled one of my toes and winked at me.

“So what is with you and women. You talk talk talk about the men in your life. I ask about a woman and you turn red.”

“Oh I’m not sure. I didn’t realize I did that.”

“Are you a lesbian dahlink?”

Irena pushed my legs up over my head. I grabbed my heals. She put hot wax all over my asshole. I felt nauseous again.

“No I don’t think I am Irena.”

“Sure dahlink.”

She ripped again, looking stoic. I thought I might kick her, but the pain was gone before I could think of how to describe it. Irena plucked at a few hairs she had missed. This was more painful.

“I am going to see John next week, maybe.”

Irena was quiet as she continued to tweeze and scrape at little invisible hairs. A lump developed in my throat. Irena does not always approve of my life and behaviors. She doesn’t like John. She hasn’t liked him since I first told her about how I met him on a Chinatown bus. I think what upset her the most was the fact that I took a bus to Philly, which is very unglamorous to her. I tried to think of something else to talk about.

“I wrote a new poetry book. I wrote 40 poems in two days.”

“That’s my little poet dahlink, so productive. Are your new poems about love?”

“No, they are about my family.”

Irena pushed up her glasses and didn’t hide her disappointment.

“How is your family dahlink?”

“There is some death and sickness. My trip home was a bit sad.”

Irena touched my head.

“That’s my brave girl.”

“How is your family Irena?”

“Oh we went to St. Petersburg for Christmas. I saw my grandson. My husband is lovely. We are going to travel soon. You know dahlink, third times a charm.”

Irena’s first two husbands are dead. She covered me with lotion and then baby powder.

“Today was fast. Can I make an appointment for a facial on Wednesday?”

“Yes of course dahlink.”

She handed me a slip of paper to give to the woman at the front desk.

“You better have more interesting stories for me by Wednesday dahlink.”

“Okay.”

She touched my hand and winked at me again. I wasn’t sure that I would have more stories to tell her. I tried to think of better ways to explain the stories I already had. Irena never gets tired of hearing about young love.

i woke up in a soft green tube on new year's day and the man next to me resembled a turtle a bit

2009-01-01T13:46:00.002-06:00

**********

2008-12-30T23:02:00.003-06:00

i met a man a year ago. we both love an obscure knut hamson novel, which bonded us. we enjoyed each other and were friends. we stopped being friends. there were a lot of angry words. our mutual friends had faith that we would once again be friends. we are once again friends, because he watched me walk down a street, completely down trodden and hopeless.

we might adopt a baby. this is a good idea.

when no one loves you, the people who hate you are the ones who love you more than anyone. just believe me here.

you will always be the ones you have lost

2008-12-30T19:18:00.002-06:00

i received a phone call just now
i saw a number i didn't recognize
i am sick, i have little
to no
voice left
but i tried to answer
i couldn't say "hello"
a message started playing
telling me about the car
insurance i don't have
for a car i don't own
i listened to the robot woman
talk
because i didn't feel
alone in my apartment
for a moment
i tried to tell her
"i am having a
hard time
right now and
i need someone to
talk to, do you
have just a moment
ma'am?"
but my voice is totally
gone
the moment was gone
and i hung up on
that electronic
daughter of
a whore,
tonight all the
lovers are with
their real girlfriends
the ones that are
monogamous,
the only reprieve
is knowing that
i don't need to console
anyone for their
guilt tonight
and instead i can
pity myself

ribcage chandelier

2008-12-27T10:17:00.003-06:00

On they way to the airport yesterday, I told my mother that when she dies I want to make a chandelier out of her ribcage. She said that if I did that she will haunt me and that would include her watching me every time I have sex and making small disturbances so that my lovers will feel uncomfortable for the rest of my life. My sister said the conversation was disturbing and asked us to stop talking about it. We agreed that it would be better if I made a chandelier our of Delores instead, but I felt bad because my father gave me a phone number of a friend of his who is a famous taxidermist so that when Delores goes I can make a coffee table out of her by stuffing her and putting a plate of glass on her back. I think that is a much better idea because her ribcage is too small for a proper chandelier. I need to find someone I love to make a chandelier out of. My brother maybe. He told me in the car on Christmas that someone came to the homeless shelter and helped him fill out a living will. He said it mostly just covers where he wants to be buried. I asked if he was donating any organs and he said to me "none of them work well enough to donate, kenny." I nodded and said "what about your pinky toe? on the left side?" he said, "okay, yeah i'll donate that."

This girl writes nice poems.

don't you get tired of telling other people's jokes?

2008-12-26T21:39:00.002-06:00

i cant seem to
drink this headache away

Pink Eye Begets Boredom

2008-12-22T18:54:00.002-06:00

Kathryn Regina wrote a post where she "tagged" people, whom are then to write similar posts. The theme of the post is you are supposed to write seven things "about yourself." I feel like I have written seven thousand things about myself on this blog, but I will write seven more because I have pink eye and it is - 17 degrees outside in Minnesota right now.

1. I weigh 130 lbs.

2. I really really don't like sweet things.

3. My cat is named after a character in a book, whom I relate to.

4. I am usually very lonely.

5. I have never been sledding.

6. I saw a man dressed as Santa on the train reading the news paper the same day I left New York this week and I laughed, then I looked around and saw no one else was amused and felt really horrible.

7. Last week I received three apologies from three different people within three days, all of which I never thought I would hear from said people. The apologies affected my life in no way perceivable, although I always thought that they would.

Now I am suppose to "tag" seven people. I am going to tag people I think might be bored right now.

Colin Bassett
Matthew Savoca
Shane Jones
Brandi Wells
Blake Butler
Daniel Bailey
Mike Young

blanket head

2008-12-20T17:57:00.003-06:00

when your hair is greasy
all i can think about
is smearing it
on my face
when you tell me
to stop doing things
i want to
let your blood
from the neck
why do you tell me
that you don't like
having sex?
i never touch you
anymore
you tell me to lie
down
and pull the blanket
over my head
i say to you
"blanket head"
i don't think you realize
how many little
whimpers you make
all day long
at odd times
why don't you beg me
not to drink so much
like all the others
have done?
you are easily
the best person
i have met
in about one year
our jokes
are the best jokes

Kids These Days!

2008-12-14T12:57:00.003-06:00

A really nice person wrote this about me on the web 4.0

I think he has a crush on me.

Two women, Cam Lab they were called, read Web 2.0 type stuff about themselves, their sex, their feelings, their quirks. Sort of like Kendra Grant Malone type stuff. The effect of this type of stuff seems to be the utter destruction of the sense of the artist as an individual. Oh, look, one more Web 2.0-head, thinking about himself/herself in the same way Web 2.0 makes everyone else think about themselves. Truly the destruction of subjectivity can be achieved, not by Lang Po (sorry Barrett Watten) but by this type of writing that seems to be no more than an automated reflex triggered by relating to one's computer. This is not to say I didn't enjoy the writing. I did enjoy it somewhat, but much of what I enjoyed about it was appalling to me. Anyway, Cam Lab should read K. G. Malone for a better (ie worse, in the sense of more appalling) version of what they're doing.

period sex part two

2008-12-07T19:28:00.001-06:00

kyle told me a
story about
when he saw a
knife fight in
the lower east side
and how he thinks
he will never see
that much blood again
he somehow thought
this might make me
feel better about
what was all over
my legs, my sheets, our condom
it didn't
all i could think of
was that i usually don't
associate my period blood
with death
except for
the very first
time it happened
at my grandfather's
funeral
my mother was upset
my uncle took me to
the store and bought
me adult diapers
he didn't know
and my mother was so sad
that day
i hated when i had to tell her
that i had gotten
my first period
that was the last time
i thought about death
when i saw my period blood
from now on
i prefer to think about
knife fights
in the lower east side

i was cast as a prostitute in a commercial for adult swim and we filmed it in a sex motel in jersey

2008-12-05T19:54:00.003-06:00

as soon as the promo is finished i will post it here, or you can watch it on the cartoon network over the holiday season. i am only wearing underwear the whole time and i had to feed a gross old man grapes.

*UPDATE*

also in the promo was my brand new bff soul sister lisa. she is the prettiest best person i have ever met in on a commercial shoot for adult swim and got drunk with in out underwear in front of a group of men and a couple awkward girl interns. seriously the prettiest.

the bestest

Hamburger Helper

2008-12-01T23:13:00.001-06:00

my brother has already outlived his life expectancy by three years

2008-12-01T21:54:00.002-06:00

today i only had one good feeling
it was when i was on all fours
naked from the waist up
and he ate
his hummus and potato salad
and apple slices
off my back
sir, permission to sing?
to what?
to sing, sir.
yes go ahead, sing.
so i sang
goodbye yellow brick road
i sang for him
while he ate
off my back
and we laughed a lot
he put apple slices
in my mouth
i noticed how dirty
the carpet was
this was the only good feeling
today
when he left me
i thought again
about being the
legal guardian
of a disabled adult
and wanted so much
to be a coffee table instead

i like to win things

2008-11-20T16:32:00.003-06:00

i won this contest and i feel pretty cool right now

thanks sean, eat it richard brautigan

hypothetically what i have been doing lately (i love everyone)

2008-11-20T10:33:00.007-06:00

I have not been blogging much, yes. Let me explain. Some times I am prone to disabling anxiety. From time to time the internet worsens this. When this happens I take mood stabilizer pills and avoid things that produce unnecessary worry. I try to do things that make me feel calm. Let me describe what I have been doing lately while not blogging.

I sleep until 10 am. I wake up and drink coffee and pet my cats and listen to music. It is usually something calm and instrumental because I like to write in the morning and if I listen to something with lyrics I get kind of confused. So usually its Chopin or Philip Glass or Yann Tiersen or the Dirty Three. If I don't feel like writing anything that morning I work on one of three things. I work on my poetry collection which I have decided to title Chasing Pigeons Makes Me Feel More Powerful, I edit the last three years of journals that I would like to see published within three years, or I work on my novel. After that I smoke a cigarette on the balcony and then go inside and take a shit. Then I take a shower and get ready for work.

At work when I first get there my coworkers usually tease me about whatever I am wearing because they all think I dress like a kindergarden teacher or a librarian or something and they are all into looking sexy. I work from 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.. If no one has called me then I go home right away. When I get home I text Kyle, Ari or John. If none of them want to come over or go out then the first thing I like to do is put on oldies music and drink wine. After that I like to pull out my cork collection (pictured above) and lay them all out and count them out loud while my cats watch and try to understand what I am doing. This makes me feel very good. It might be my favorite part of most days. Then I put my corks back in their jars and put them away because if I leave them out the cats will destroy them. If no one comes home yet I usually call my roommates to see if I should get more wine and or cigarettes for them. If they still dont come home I usually dance funny dances by myself until I am tired and then write in my journal. I write for 20 minutes to an hour, sometimes more. I started a new journal file, because the last one was too long and took forever to load. I love how fast my new journal loads. And it is making editing the old one much easier. After journaling I'm pretty drunk usually and either my roommates come home and we all sit around and talk and eat or I go to bed with my book and sometimes think about Trish for a bit, or I masturbate, or I just baby talk Delores. Then I read until I fall asleep.

If Kyle, Ari or John come over or want to go out it is different. Kyle comes over the most. With Kyle we smoke weed and listen to the Magnetic Fields or T.I. or Daniel Johnston and then we go to my room and have sex or if I am on my period we just make out and stuff. We have sex two or three times and then I usually want junk food so we go out and buy some. Then we come back and eat and take a shower together. We wash each other's hair and I compliment him too much but then I call him a hipster too much too and I think I send him confusing messages. We get out of the shower and he always teases me about how when a shower is over, I like to just stand soaking wet in the steam for a second or two holding the towel to my face but not drying myself. He says I am meditating. We go back to bed and have sex again. He likes to snuggle while we sleep but I dont so I wait until I hear him snore and then I push him away and roll over and think about things. If we go out instead we go to the bar where we met or the one he works at coat check and drink free beer and sometimes I buy us dinner somewhere, like the burger shop on B. We hold hands and stare at each other a lot and he likes to kiss in public but that makes me uncomfortable so I try to avoid it. We also like to dance in my kitchen occasionally.

If I am with Ari I like to meet him at his studio and hang out while he and his employees work on the show they make for TV. Then we all go and drink at a bar or two. We often talk about what 'went wrong' four years ago, and how we are happy that we are still friends. We also like to tell jokes. We like to make each other laugh. It becomes kind of contest-like after a while but it is good because being funny and laughing a lot is very important to me. Then when we are all very drunk and we go back to my house and have very intimate sex and he tells me he loves me and I sometimes cry after because he is very nurturing and allows me to feel vulnerable. Ari likes to give me back rubs before I fall asleep.

If I am with John I meet him at a bar with his friends and he talks about how he hasn't broken up with his girlfriend yet. We go to another bar where his friend is sleeping with the bar tender. We buy a lot of cocaine and get really high and he buys a cab after we make out in the bathroom, then we go to his house to have sex and snort cocaine off a pornographic magazine and listen to heavy metal music until its morning and he has to go to work. He tells me that he has to rock climb and train for a marathon so I wont see him for a few weeks and I feel good because after a night with John I dont want to see him for a while again.

There are some nights that after work I dont want to see anyone but I dont want to go home so I go to this little french cafe on Avenue A that I like. The owner is always there. He likes me and always feeds me for free and my glass of rose wine is never never empty. They play good cute music there like Air or Belle & Sebastian. I talk to him and read my book and then sometimes if I am in the right mood I write poetry in a note book that I always keep in my purse. Those are usually the poems that end up on my blog. When I am there I call text or email Leigh Stein, who is my friend, and for some reason being there makes me think of her. We always have to plan hanging out a few days or a week in advance because we have a hard time getting together. I stay there until I am drunk and tired, then go home and count my corks before I go to bed.

On the weekends it is the same, although sometimes exciting things happen, like I see a horror movie by myself or I go to criminal court with Kyle because he tends to get arrested often.

New Poems At My Name Is Mud

2008-11-13T15:46:00.000-06:00

go reeeeead

sylvia plath at sixteen

2008-10-29T01:25:00.005-05:00

so, we can sit
in a dim little bar or pub
or thing- whatever suits you
you can call it
we can sit there
and talk about reading
sylvia plath at sixteen
and how she made us feel
at sixteen
wringing our fists beneath the
table and smiling but
we are thinking about
the poppies
and the iron giant
and ovens
after that
i'll tell you about
what i do in the bathtub
and you will laugh for me
i'll send you a photo later
then you will continue to do that
graceful nod you do
just like i imagine your mother
does when she is listening
maybe the two of you will
do it together for me
nod while i tell
wild weird stories
about moralistically unsound
things that i do
you don't have good self-confidence
i am narcissistic
there is really no way
for me to explain how
really very pretty and
totally enthralling you are
without coming on to you
which would be bad
because i think
you would have been a wonderful
mother for me
if things could be
done all over again
let's do this every night
can we do this every night?
can it always be your birthday?
i will never run out of presents
i swear

some pictures i took with my smell phone

2008-10-20T16:37:00.004-05:00

Sorry I haven't been updating much lately. Been busy. Here are some pictures you can look at for a while.

Al Bundy Is My Husband (for shane)

2008-10-07T14:16:00.003-05:00

When I came home from work last night Al Bundy was sitting on the couch with a hammer in his pants.

"Why do you have a hammer in your pants babe?" I asked.

"Leave me alooone Peg!"

"I'm not Peg. That hurts my feelings."

"I built a man hut in the garage."

I walked into the garage and there was a couch, a TV, and pin-ups from hustler magazine all over the walls. The audience kept laughing at me and I felt embarrassed. I tried to look at them and convey with my face how embarrassed they were making me feel, but the stage lights were too bright and pointed directly at me. I went back out into the living room.

"Why are you not sitting on the couch out there?" I pointed at the garage.

"Shut up peg."

"Please stop calling me Peg."

I went into the kitchen and the audience started laughing at me again. My slutty daughter came in and said something stupid. The audience laughed at her. Al Bundy said something mean to her. I took bon bon's out of the freezer and we all sat on the couch and stared at the TV, when the annoying theme song started playing. "I like Frank Sinatra," I thought.

HTML GIANT

2008-10-01T14:22:00.003-05:00

I write for this now.

This is what Blake Butthair had to say about it.

HTML Giant is a thing Gene Morgan approached me about doing, 'approached,' we wanted to do a website that focuses the indie press and online writing news in a central format, sort of like Pitchfork or Bookslut or Gawker for online writing and indie presses only, bringing the goods and becoming things, it will continue to become things, it will have internet writing related news outside of the big press related news blogs, things will happen, I will eat a sandcastle in my parents' basement,

We will feature writers and journals and such, if you have things to say about it there is htmlgiant [at] gmail [dot] com, I'd prefer no emails to my private email my balls are on top of the Sears Tower, I realized the other day that Gene is the dad of the internet, I will call him Dad from now on, there is a lot on the site already, we are going to slowly leak until we have eaten a conch shell the size of somewhere, more is planned and brimming, there are lots of good writers also blogging the news already, they wear derby hats in their room when they are writing, it is required, they must also wear translucent pants and cry a lot.

Please check it out and bookmark and get fed.

I promised Blake I would be posting a picture of my boobs soon, so keep checking!

Sinead O'Connor Nothing Compares 2 U
Uploaded by Celtiemama

I saw this on the street yesterday & a poem

2008-09-25T12:22:00.002-05:00

A Kicked Pigeon

when we get together
we always
at some point
mention
that first glass
of gin
you bought me
about four years
ago now
you always look
so guilty
and i enjoy that
i think we both
know
that you didn't
do this to me
but i did do this
to you
and i am so
guilty

i never told you
that week when i
came to stay
with you
in new york
and refuse to
sleep with you
that one day
while you were
at work
i accidentally
kicked a pigeon
to death
i felt almost
as bad
during the same
trip
when you laid
your head in
my lap
to cry
and i made
you get up
because i
had to pee

I Have A Reading

2008-09-21T13:27:00.002-05:00

Space Space
September 27th, 8pm
with
Mike Young
&
Max Winter

390 Seneca Ave. 1st Floor
Entrance on Stanhope
Dekalb L

map

Before I go to my reading I am going to Zachary German and Ellen Kennedy's reading at envoy, hosted by Tao. Then people will migrate to Space Space. I am really very scared. Please come and be nice to me- I get really terrible stage fright and I will either be hopped up on Xanax or I might just sit there and cry for 15 minutes. Either way, come for the disaster.

Tricoteuse

oh gosh some things happened

PICNIC CANNIBAL

It's Nice That Bookshelf

a coupla things

Coldfront

Dark Sky Books Is Publishing Morocco

I'm a jerk but people sometimes like my book

Southeast Review Review

yeah, this is okay, i guuuuess

Dark Sky Magazine

Nous Sommes Les Animaux Part Two (une plus poème pour vous, petit taureau)

Adam J Maynard makes nice things you should buy

everything is alright (half left)

Cecilia, Samara, Let Your Hair Run Wild

ohai

nepotism

i am so into sardines right now

The Offending Adam

my closest friend is someone who is a lot like patrick bateman

i really want to eat some chicken nuggets

in case you missed it (i'm going to push on your bladder when you have to pee so you love me more)

i'm being such a grown up right now, blogging, like i should

tallboys and xanax

my vagina is a book, and other news

oh my goodness, another chapbook, holy cow will it stop?

HTML GIANT

These Houses Savoca Edition

i listen to this every morning

elimae

Past Simple 7

NOO job LOL

PN!

proud of new tattoo- introducing . . . armond!

red is only my favorite color because i am partially color blind

wunderkrammer & la fovea

Conor Oberst Sex

Hill Billy Teeth

Little Books Anthology

hello, hi, hey

YIPPY SKIPPY YOU LIKE ME

Four Short Poems (we all wanted to cry but we just laughed for a bit instead)

MPL Chapbook Now Available

Gustaf

POETS & PUPPETS

Everything Is Quiet Update

all the little sounds

Ex Cathedra

broadway junction

sammy, my darling giant

accessible babies

you can't stop listening

pride is a weird thing to have

Ocho 25

things that make me cry

Some Poems

nous sommes des animaux

i have a reading & {p.s.}

jealousy is not a very modern thing at all

wigleaf

there is no truth in what the others say

Abraham Lincoln Magazine *UPDATE ML PRESS DEALZ*

a conversation i just had with my mother on the phone

blurbs

lying in bed with you feels a bit like my favorite book

oh i am feeling excitable

a journal entry i wrote today that ended up becoming a short essay on fidelity

Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs

CAVES by Matthew Simmons

big mac's are just so great

some random journal excerpts from the past few months

NANO Fiction

please don't misunderstand me, honey

Robin Cotton

little used up tea bags cannot sing, no, that is a silly idea

I Miss Muncie

little girls are women somehow in some way

BIR

buy the first issue of corduroy mnt.

Young Love

Abraham Lincoln Magazine UPDATE ML PRESS DEALZ