me: i have a new boyfriend
my mother: oh yeah? what is he like?
me: well, he is french and very kind to me. he writes books in france, that is how i met him, at a reading. the morning after i first met him he left me a copy of his book with a very loving note in it on my bed stand
my mother: well, i guess that's better than a twenty dollar bill
me: only a twenty, really mom?
my mother: sweetpea, don't flatter yourself