Tuesday, December 30, 2008

**********




i met a man a year ago. we both love an obscure knut hamson novel, which bonded us. we enjoyed each other and were friends. we stopped being friends. there were a lot of angry words. our mutual friends had faith that we would once again be friends. we are once again friends, because he watched me walk down a street, completely down trodden and hopeless.

we might adopt a baby. this is a good idea.

when no one loves you, the people who hate you are the ones who love you more than anyone. just believe me here.

you will always be the ones you have lost

i received a phone call just now
i saw a number i didn't recognize
i am sick, i have little
to no
voice left
but i tried to answer
i couldn't say "hello"
a message started playing
telling me about the car
insurance i don't have
for a car i don't own
i listened to the robot woman
talk
because i didn't feel
alone in my apartment
for a moment
i tried to tell her
"i am having a
hard time
right now and
i need someone to
talk to, do you
have just a moment
ma'am?"
but my voice is totally
gone
the moment was gone
and i hung up on
that electronic
daughter of
a whore,
tonight all the
lovers are with
their real girlfriends
the ones that are
monogamous,
the only reprieve
is knowing that
i don't need to console
anyone for their
guilt tonight
and instead i can
pity myself

Saturday, December 27, 2008

ribcage chandelier

On they way to the airport yesterday, I told my mother that when she dies I want to make a chandelier out of her ribcage. She said that if I did that she will haunt me and that would include her watching me every time I have sex and making small disturbances so that my lovers will feel uncomfortable for the rest of my life. My sister said the conversation was disturbing and asked us to stop talking about it. We agreed that it would be better if I made a chandelier our of Delores instead, but I felt bad because my father gave me a phone number of a friend of his who is a famous taxidermist so that when Delores goes I can make a coffee table out of her by stuffing her and putting a plate of glass on her back. I think that is a much better idea because her ribcage is too small for a proper chandelier. I need to find someone I love to make a chandelier out of. My brother maybe. He told me in the car on Christmas that someone came to the homeless shelter and helped him fill out a living will. He said it mostly just covers where he wants to be buried. I asked if he was donating any organs and he said to me "none of them work well enough to donate, kenny." I nodded and said "what about your pinky toe? on the left side?" he said, "okay, yeah i'll donate that."

This girl writes nice poems.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Monday, December 22, 2008

Pink Eye Begets Boredom

Kathryn Regina wrote a post where she "tagged" people, whom are then to write similar posts. The theme of the post is you are supposed to write seven things "about yourself." I feel like I have written seven thousand things about myself on this blog, but I will write seven more because I have pink eye and it is - 17 degrees outside in Minnesota right now.

1. I weigh 130 lbs.

2. I really really don't like sweet things.

3. My cat is named after a character in a book, whom I relate to.

4. I am usually very lonely.

5. I have never been sledding.

6. I saw a man dressed as Santa on the train reading the news paper the same day I left New York this week and I laughed, then I looked around and saw no one else was amused and felt really horrible.

7. Last week I received three apologies from three different people within three days, all of which I never thought I would hear from said people. The apologies affected my life in no way perceivable, although I always thought that they would.

Now I am suppose to "tag" seven people. I am going to tag people I think might be bored right now.

Colin Bassett
Matthew Savoca
Shane Jones
Brandi Wells
Blake Butler
Daniel Bailey
Mike Young

Saturday, December 20, 2008

blanket head

when your hair is greasy
all i can think about
is smearing it
on my face
when you tell me
to stop doing things
i want to
let your blood
from the neck
why do you tell me
that you don't like
having sex?
i never touch you
anymore
you tell me to lie
down
and pull the blanket
over my head
i say to you
"blanket head"
i don't think you realize
how many little
whimpers you make
all day long
at odd times
why don't you beg me
not to drink so much
like all the others
have done?
you are easily
the best person
i have met
in about one year
our jokes
are the best jokes

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Kids These Days!

A really nice person wrote this about me on the web 4.0

I think he has a crush on me.

Two women, Cam Lab they were called, read Web 2.0 type stuff about themselves, their sex, their feelings, their quirks. Sort of like Kendra Grant Malone type stuff. The effect of this type of stuff seems to be the utter destruction of the sense of the artist as an individual. Oh, look, one more Web 2.0-head, thinking about himself/herself in the same way Web 2.0 makes everyone else think about themselves. Truly the destruction of subjectivity can be achieved, not by Lang Po (sorry Barrett Watten) but by this type of writing that seems to be no more than an automated reflex triggered by relating to one's computer. This is not to say I didn't enjoy the writing. I did enjoy it somewhat, but much of what I enjoyed about it was appalling to me. Anyway, Cam Lab should read K. G. Malone for a better (ie worse, in the sense of more appalling) version of what they're doing.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

period sex part two

kyle told me a
story about
when he saw a
knife fight in
the lower east side
and how he thinks
he will never see
that much blood again
he somehow thought
this might make me
feel better about
what was all over
my legs, my sheets, our condom
it didn't
all i could think of
was that i usually don't
associate my period blood
with death
except for
the very first
time it happened
at my grandfather's
funeral
my mother was upset
my uncle took me to
the store and bought
me adult diapers
he didn't know
and my mother was so sad
that day
i hated when i had to tell her
that i had gotten
my first period
that was the last time
i thought about death
when i saw my period blood
from now on
i prefer to think about
knife fights
in the lower east side

Friday, December 05, 2008

i was cast as a prostitute in a commercial for adult swim and we filmed it in a sex motel in jersey





as soon as the promo is finished i will post it here, or you can watch it on the cartoon network over the holiday season. i am only wearing underwear the whole time and i had to feed a gross old man grapes.

*UPDATE*

also in the promo was my brand new bff soul sister lisa. she is the prettiest best person i have ever met in on a commercial shoot for adult swim and got drunk with in out underwear in front of a group of men and a couple awkward girl interns. seriously the prettiest.

the bestest

Monday, December 01, 2008

Hamburger Helper

my brother has already outlived his life expectancy by three years

today i only had one good feeling
it was when i was on all fours
naked from the waist up
and he ate
his hummus and potato salad
and apple slices
off my back
sir, permission to sing?
to what?
to sing, sir.
yes go ahead, sing.

so i sang
goodbye yellow brick road
i sang for him
while he ate
off my back
and we laughed a lot
he put apple slices
in my mouth
i noticed how dirty
the carpet was
this was the only good feeling
today
when he left me
i thought again
about being the
legal guardian
of a disabled adult
and wanted so much
to be a coffee table instead