Thursday, September 25, 2008

I saw this on the street yesterday & a poem




A Kicked Pigeon

when we get together
we always
at some point
mention
that first glass
of gin
you bought me
about four years
ago now
you always look
so guilty
and i enjoy that
i think we both
know
that you didn't
do this to me
but i did do this
to you
and i am so
guilty

i never told you
that week when i
came to stay
with you
in new york
and refuse to
sleep with you
that one day
while you were
at work
i accidentally
kicked a pigeon
to death
i felt almost
as bad
during the same
trip
when you laid
your head in
my lap
to cry
and i made
you get up
because i
had to pee

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Have A Reading



Space Space
September 27th, 8pm
with
Mike Young
&
Max Winter

390 Seneca Ave. 1st Floor
Entrance on Stanhope
Dekalb L

map

Before I go to my reading I am going to Zachary German and Ellen Kennedy's reading at envoy, hosted by Tao. Then people will migrate to Space Space. I am really very scared. Please come and be nice to me- I get really terrible stage fright and I will either be hopped up on Xanax or I might just sit there and cry for 15 minutes. Either way, come for the disaster.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

My Father's Friends

my father has many
interesting friends
i met this one who
survived for many months
on a life raft
he wrote a book about it
but doesn't like to
discuss it much
once he was a bit
drunk
and he told me
some strange things
one of them being
that while adrift
he developed romantic feelings
about spaghetti and meatballs

another person
my father is friends with
is a woman who drowned
and was legally dead
before she was resuscitated
at dinner she once
told me that
if you can avoid dying
she would recommend
drowning to anyone
she said the pain and
fear were unbearable
until the moment her body
took water into her lungs
she said she stayed like
that for a while before
she died
and that it was
the calmest, greatest moment
of her life
honestly, i look forward to dying again

Monday, September 15, 2008

Dawn

there is a drunk man
in tompkins square park
walking around screaming
Dawn! Dawn!
maybe Dawn was his lover
who died
of heart failure
or maybe Dawn was his sister
who was raped and killed
many many years ago
or maybe
Dawn was his last landlord
who evicted him
or maybe
he is tired of today
like i am
and he
is making an irate
attempt to beg
tomorrow to begin
for him
a little early

The Book You Gave Me

baby, please don't be mad
i make a lot of mistakes
uncross your arms
please
i don't know what i did
tonight
fuck sometimes i just want to
scream and shake and slap you

i'm going to read that book
you gave me tomorrow
the heart is a lonely hunter
i'm going to read it and
think about how sad you are
all of the time
and that even when i
tell you you will be okay
i am lying
i don't ever think you
will be okay

i am only optimistic
because no one else i know
can afford to be
will you just be like me?
just give up
go limp
let us all shake and slap you
after a little while i promise
you will start saying inappropriately
optimistic things
and you will want to shake
people too

then we can run around
new york
and shake and slap all
the sad people
the whole city will look like
hysterical rag dolls
and we will have started this
we will all give up
and go limp

tomorrow i'm going to read that book
you gave me
my bookmark is a little
piece of paper
i used to write down
something you said to me once
i hated him on behalf of all the people i'm not allowed to hate

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I Don't Really Know, Right?

About two months ago I met Trish out for a drink after work. She mentioned to me she loved snails in butter sauce and I did just happen to frequent this little french cafe so I invited her to come with me. So we went. We sat there across the table, carefully dropping hints our ex girlfriends to prove to each other that we were both gay. It's difficult when you are a woman who doesn't particularly like being called gay, and doesn't particularly like butch dyke women. When you are just a girl who could see herself feeling amorous with another girl who was pretty enough. We drank maybe two or three bottles of rose trying to work up the courage to be the first to announce that this might be a date. We both got too drunk and eventually made it to the train platform where we patted each others backs and said good night. It was all very awful. But not really so bad I guess.

Then the next night I took her to a reading of a friend of mine. We stood around in this really silly place with asian fans trying not to sweat in the horrible weather. We were there together. I didn't introduce her as "my friend Trish," she was just Trish. The reading was stupid so we left. We went to a bar by my friend's house and took ecstasy. After that we went to my friends house. She played piano with my friend until he went to bed, and then we talked for about three hours with my other friend until we called a cab and went to my house.

We stayed up until I dont really know how late it was, smoking and talking a lot. I think it was 8 or 9 am when I said she should just stay over. She nodded as she headed to my room and started to undress. We got into bed. We talked for a bit more, I dont remember what about. She took off her glasses and I remember feeling embarrassed because her eyes were so big and pretty. It was quiet for a while before I said, "Two things- one, can I spoon you, two, can I kiss you?" She nodded yes. We spent the following three days together.

That was two months ago. Trish is out of town again tonight. Just for a bit. She'll be back tomorrow. I took two doses of percocet tonight. I've been thinking a lot about the man I tickled for one and a half hours this morning for 200 dollars. My cat is behind my head, purring. Trish comes home tomorrow and we are going to have brunch together. Things are really not so bad right now. It's nice to have someone to take care of sometimes.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

chasing pigeons makes me feel more powerful

tonight
i chased an opossum
it was so big-
at least double
the size of
delores

i chase small things
mostly pigeons
everyday i chase at least
one pigeon

metaphysically speaking
i feel very big and sturdy
like a refrigerator
yes
my metaphysical self is
a large white frigidaire

i have this body
that is really not
very big
i mean
im medium sized
but in a spectrum of
human sizes
im pretty small

when i chase things
i feel powerful
it gives me the chance
to exorcize those emotions
that metaphysical self

i chase things
that no one views
as precious
so that i am not looked upon
as a monster
(although i am)

chasing pigeons makes
me feel more powerful
like a large white frigidaire
my girlfriend says
i have the expression
of a golden retriever
when i do it

the opossum
we stared at each other
in a mostly russian neighborhood
i should have run away
but i hissed to make it
leave me alone
then i realized
that i am much bigger
and when i chased it through
the parking lot
it went
ehhhnnn ehhhhhn ehhhhn