Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Thank You For Your Time

Janet was alone in the office. She sat very still at her desk.

For eight hours Janet sat still and did not move.

After eight hours Janet sent out an email to all of her coworkers that read as follows:

To Whom It May Concern,

I have not set the building on fire today. There are people scratching under the floorboards.

Minus fifteen points.

Thank you for your time.

Janet Church
Post Production Manager
Element Productions

Monday, February 25, 2008

meow meow wuff (i just woke up and don't want to think of a title)

Sam Pink posted a gchat we had last night. He talks like Shakespeare and I spell everything wrong. Lately, a day is not a day unless Sam and I threaten each other violently.

I have a new neighbor in my ghetto. 40's on the roof, what what.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

DRUNK JACKIE

Last night Tao and Justin had a party. Tao and I and Zachary German sat in a dang fort and wrote for DRUNK all night. I fell in love with a drunk ass girl named Jackie.

We were not the only drunkards last night. There are nineteen new poems on DRUNK. Here is a selection of my favorites:

WE ARE IN A FORT AT A PARTY DRINKING SPARKS

PARTY III

PARTY V

PARTY VIII

PARTY VIII (i am not very good with numbers and counting)

OKAY

I HOPE I GET SUED FOR THIS POEM

ALZHEIMERS DISEASE

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Nice And Softly

would you like to join me for coffee?
do you even drink coffee?
i bet i know how you take it
you will look at me and say
"nice and softly, nice and softly,
i like some sugar with my cream and coffee"
and i will pass you the little jar of sugar
the one we keep on the counter
because we too, are fans of sugar

don't be so nervous, really
i don't know why your hand is shaking
you have already seen me naked
haven't you?

Leave Me Me Alone Pervert

"Janet, can I have a cigarette?"

Janet reached into her purse and pulled out three opened packs of camel lights.

"Pick one."

"That one."

Janet opened the pack, removed a cigarette and threw it at Robby's head. Robby put on his coat and began to walk outside.

"You look sick today, Janet."

Janet pulled out a cigarette and began to smoke at her desk.

"Hey Robby."

"Yeah?"

"Do you wanna fuck?"

"Yeah."

"Gross, leave me alone pervert."

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Blake Butler is really retarded when he is drunk.

Did you know Blake has a significant southern drawl? The secret is out.



Tao is always throwing bananas at people. I'm serious.

When I get drunk enough, all I do is giggle.

Justin Taylor is quiet in the corner (rare).

Mike Young always and permanently looks like a deer in headlights.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

TLIRA --- making waves

Interns. Lets be a little more proactive shall we?

Look here. Ron Silliman supports our efforts (24th link down)!

This is a coup. Forces stay strong.

"My interns are ugly and I hate them."

- Tao Lin

Mike Bushnell did this lil' beaut.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Zach Attack



Tao made this video of Zach German the other night.

Something magical happens with cashews on his shoulder. They are defying physics.

Zach usually doesn't smile this much.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Banana Hat

Janet came to work two hours and thirty seven and a half minutes late today. "Good morning Janet," I said. Janet stared at me with a blank expression and made a face very quickly that looked like a blow fish inflating. A small amount of vomit dribbled from the corners of her mouth. Janet swallowed, and wiped her face on her coat sleeve, still staring at me. "Is the boss here today?" she asked.

"No."

"Good."

Janet took the banana I was eating and ate the remainder of it. She placed the peel on her head and sat at her desk.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

TAO LIN INTERNS- CALL TO ARMS!



Tao Lin is an evil person. He posted this yesterday. He is exploiting these people for his publicity hungry ego. Tao Lin is out of control.

We need to stop Tao Lin.

Just look at how he mocks you-

me: my goal is to be on the first page of "kendra"
i need more links
i should set up 15 new blogs that all they do is link my blog

Tao: good idea
get some interns

me: i am afraid of an uprising

Tao: organize an uprising againsgt me

me: i have been
your post got me thinking
about how horrible you are to them
they deserve better

Tao: they deserve nothing

me: YOU ARE EVIL
dont make me do this!

Tao: i dare you to orgaize an uptirisg

He does not think we can do this.

Interns. This is a call to arms. Rise up! Defend yourself and your loved ones! Shake the blanket of shame and despair he has cloaked you with! Organize! I am your general and I will help you fight! The Tao Lin Intern Republican Army shall rise and seize back their rights to get drunk all day and do almost nothing without being slandered publicly!

The TLIRA will be having an official meeting at my apartment this Saturday (BYOB). Come ready for action against this literary dictator!

THE UPRISING BEGINS!
(p.s. happy valentines day)

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

James Stevens Fowler III

James posted a poem today called Otherwise. Its prolly my favorite blogged poem I've read in some time. Quite some time.

James is a really fantastic poet. He is very shy too. He does not post enough poems. Go to his blog and put pressure on him so we can all delight in more of his poemery.

Happy Wednesday!

This morning I came into work at 8:00 am. My coworker, Janet, was sitting at her desk very still. She had been there the night before until 10:00 pm, and I'm not convinced she went home. It is only 30 degrees out side, but Janet was sitting there in just her slip with no socks, the air conditioner turned all the way up. I came up behind and tapped her shoulder. She jumped and spilled straight gin from a sippy cup (with the lid unfortunately only half on), all over her white slip. She laughed and I could see her nipples in her wet white slip. Janet stopped laughing suddenly and grabbed my wrist and said "Happy Wednesday!"

Vag Mage



I just bought this new zine by Wolf Pack (Crystal, Eric, and Aaron), some friends of mine from Minnesota. It's called 4SKARLETTT. I have another one they did that is no longer avalible. I'm glad I have it, their shit is so fucking pretty. There are only 100 copies and they usually don't make second editions, so you should go here and buy it. It's pretty cheap.

ONELOVE

Monday, February 11, 2008

Sexy Robo

Robot Melon has a new issue. I have two things in it. You can also get to Delores' myspace page from it.

Another Cold Night

&

A Ham Sandwich
(i posted this here a long time ago, apologies if you read it already)

Lots of other people are there too, including three DRUNK bloggers- Zachary German, Ken Baumann and Sam Pink.

Friday, February 08, 2008

LAST NIGHT I GOT TOO DRUNK TO BLOG

We have a new writer at DRUNK.

He already posted a couple of poems.

He is not legal to drink. 


We have three more new writers as well, but I am not disclosing their names until they post. You must wait.

Bye Forever

Delores ran away this morning.

I'm really fucking sad today.

I was wondering if the people who read this could say something just kinda bland and nice in the comments. I've had a really bad week. I don't really feel like being alive right now.

*UPDATE*

Delores was hiding under my bed, my roommate just called me. I think I might be pre-menstrual. I will not commit suicide tonight now. So you don't have to be nice to me anymore. In fact, I think you should all be really mean now.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Spick



*

the first time
i heard the term
"spick" was when
christina hellen called you that
on the school bus
and you fucking decked her
and you were punished for that

*

it is hard to explain to people
your particular situation
"but he seems so normal"
is what some people say

*

since i was 5, maybe 6
ive thought about
ways you might die
about 4 times a day
to be sure
that i am prepared for
loosing you

*

when that psychoanalyst
told me
to be afraid of you
he told me
that you are likely
to rape
and hurt me
well,
i cant begin to explain to
people what that
felt like
so much so
that ive never tried

*

i dont want this
i dont want life to be so hard
for you
i cant grapple with
why people arent
gentle with you
how they dont see
that you are slow
and different
how they are impatient
with you

*

babe, im so scared
you will be murdered
beaten to death
before your own fucked
immune system kills you

*

i cant beat the shit
out of your cyst filled lungs
or your strange
hallucinations
like i did
christina hellen
i cant stop those things
from eating you
like a pancake

*

that one time
you told me
that you tried to die
because of the pills
how you did it
because your angels
stop singing to you
i thought about putting you
out of your misery

*

ive wished you dead
so many times
ive wished your fucking mother
dead so many times
and her mother
i wished her dead too
so many times

*

im not sure
how many more years
i can go on with this
being the only
the only
apparently the only
the only
the only one who loves
my dear brother

*

you and me babe
we
we together
are the replacement babies
unfortunately
i was more suited to it
than you

*

its okay i can be your
new mother
i can hold your
head, and touch the weird
bald spot
that im sure happened in the orphanage
when you were a baby
i dont want to dwell on how
it got there

*

it has never once
bothered me
when you speak
in tongues

Go Read This Shit



ALIENATED AFRAID OF FURNITURE IN BEDROOM

by Brandon Scott Gorrell

I just read it. Its fucking amazing. Like, totally.

Terror. Terror. Terror.

Terror.

------------------

Also, Tao has graced DRUNK with his stupor. I don't know how often he will do this, so go read it, read it while you can- before he comes to his senses.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Caitlin Longlegs



My old roommate from Minn-a-snow-ta, Caitlin Longley, has her website up. This is a picture of me and my darling little sweet-heart butter bean, Delores. Also known as "nixon". Go check out her shit, its really fucking amazing.

TUESDAY MORNING, OUR LIVERS ARE BLEEDING

This morning I woke up with a really bad headache. I checked DRUNK to see if there was a new poem or two. There are 24 new poems. Here are some selected favorites of mine if you don't feel like reading all 24 (you should though).

I CANT SEEM TO FALL ASLEEP WITHOUT CRYING INTO MY PILLOW FIRST- ITS REALLY NOT AS DRAMATIC AS IT SOUNDS, ITS JUST A HABBIT IVE FORMED
(actually this one is from sunday, but i like it, so eat a dick)

KENDRA

THINK IT'D BE COOL TO HAVE AN ALCOJOLIC GIRLFRIEND (my personal favorite)

LET’S GO ON A DATE WITH EACH OTHER YOU SILLY DOO DOO HEAD

LET'S FUCK PLEASE

SHIT STORM

also

apologies in delays in printing the DRUNK chapbook. life has been expensive lately, and i have not the capital for it right this very moment. worry not, soon.

soon children soon.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Free Book Domination (this is a gang and we are in it) -- we eat books for dinner & sleep on the ceiling


(FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: that guy who's name i don't remember {sorry}, justin taylor, mike young, blake butler, kendra grant malone PHOTO BY TAO STUPID HEAD LIN)

This last week was wonderful. Got some fleshy experiences with email names. Had fun guys, come back forever.



Magic Equation For World (free book) Domination

tao lin's fame + kendra grant malone's huge tits = over 40 free books at AWP.