Thursday, April 10, 2008

I Had A Dream About Sam Pink Last Night + gchat about our upcoming tv sitcom

We were in a field at night slow dancing next to a rusted old chevy in the moon light. Sam was very giant size and wearing a flannel plaid shirt like a lumber jack. I was wearing a white dress that was too big. I had my head pressed against his chest and he smelled burnt. Sam had no audible heart beat.

me: saaaaaaaaaam
sam: tru
eat a dick
me: no
eat a baginer
sam: i am fine with that provided a certain level of sanitation is observed
and the baginrer has gum in it
me: that is where gum comes from
sam: i knew that
me: NO YOU DIDNT I FUCKING HATE YOU
sam: be nice or i will travel back in time and abort delores
with a rake
covered in nails
me: nooooooo
okee okee
(kisses your toes)
you know my weakness . . .
sam: (straightens cuff links) you know you must behave if she is too survive
me: sigh
sam: (sips brandy)
me: yes sammy
sam: good now run along
me: NO
sam: i had a dream and you were in it
i dont remember to what extent because the dream was long
and had very scary things iin it
there was a huge bumblebee with the head of a baby
and room of many curtains
me: no way
seriously i had a dream last night and you were in it
no way no way no way
sam: really
how could i
you haven't seen me
me: i wasnt gonna tell you cause i was afraid it would be creepy
sam: its just true thats all
its not creepy
me: it was someone who i just "knew" was you
you know like in dreams you just "know" its someone
the idea of them
sam: yes
exactly
tjat happens with houses too
me: we danced by a chevy outside under moonlight
and you smelled burnt
sam: that is pretty
thats fucking awesome actually
me: and you were a huge giant
sam: holy shit i love this
me: and i laid my head on your chest and you had no heart beat
thats all
the end
sam: HOLY FUCK
me: heh
weird
did you have your dream last night?
sam: yes
i found the pile of bones in the forest fomr which the other two were culled
it was a deer
the fur was still in a pile like a rug
and i found the jaw and the ribs and everything
which is good because i needed that for the novel
now that you've dreamed about me i am in you
you are poisoned
me: so are you my dear
god that is so wackey!
i cant believe we dreamed about eachother the same night
sam: that is strange
me: i am tempted to blog about my dream about you
sam: have you read any jung? i think we are part of the same unconscious
do it up
me: i think so too
sam: that shit is the good kind of surreal
include my bubmlebee baby
and thats a wrap
me: hmmm
i want to write like a short paragraph on my dream
like a few sentances
and you write a few sentances on yours
http://www.wikihow.com/Win-a-Hot-Dog-Eating-Contest
im going to smoke brb
baaaaaaack
sam: i am the worm in zarathustra, in your ear
me: ew
sam: thats why you dreamed about me
me: sigh
sam: huh?
me: dksajdjslkfkjdsdfkkk
omg that ended in 'kkk' i feel bad
sam: why
provided you dont recognized the symbology
me: shut up your face
sam: (cries)
me: (fondles your penis and says "shhh shhh baby, you'll wake up daddy")
sam: haha
you are vile
me: heh
im sorry
sam: like a spider under the trim in my bathroom
me: a spider with long eyelashes
(batts eyes)
sam: that would be a great show or movie
just me and my life but i have a girl spider friend
like charlottes web but sadistic
and depraved and sad
me: can the spider be named kendra?
sam: (duh)
me: will it be pretty?
a pretty spider?
sam: yes and it will have sticks for teeth that have matcheads
and it will walk over my face whiel i sleep to protect me
me: will you pet its bloated abdomen?
careful not to squish it?
sam: yes
sometimes i will press my finger into it so the abdomen expands and tears a little just so it knows i am supreme
me: sometimes she will bite you just a little in your sleep so you wake up with your foot swoolen so you know what you fuck with
sam: then i'll go "kendraaaa, you silly arachnid"
me: and i will make a dissonant noise that is not possible for you to hear that means "i love you"
sam: haha
i like that
then i bring a lady home and she "accidentally" kills her
then i go "kenndraaaa" then she blinks shyly and i smile and say "come on silly, let's cut theis body up and stick it in the fridge and rent a movie"
me: awwwwwww
(laugh track)

2 comments:

The Golden Bear said...

Dear Kendra Grant Malone,

This is the Golden Bear...
(...thegoldenbear!)

We have not yet met.

The Golden Bear is pleased to meet you.

The Golden Bear went to visit his official blog. The Golden Bear read the comment you made in regards to his golden video promo.

This golden letter is the Golden Bear's golden response.

Kendra Grant Malone,
You have The Golden Bear a little misunderstood. The Golden Bear is not a can thrower. I have come to do no one no harm. I am a good guy, I am a good bear.

The Golden Bear is honest, candid, genuine, and sincere. The Golden Bear is trying his golden best to be gentle.

Kendra Grant Malone,
The Golden Bear is worried about you. You said that you are a weak sun. You said you might falter.

Please.

If you feel weak, you can lean on The Golden Bear. The Golden Bear will not let you falter.

Please.

You will feel safe when The Golden Bear wraps his golden paws around you. You will press your face into my golden fur and rub your hands behind my golden ears.

The Golden Bear can make you happy.
The Golden Bear can make you laugh.
The Golden Bear can make you smile.

Kendra Grant Malone,
with The Golden Bear your sun cannot be weak, your sun can only, will only, be golden.

I am looking forward to smelling your daisies. I am hoping they smell as golden as I do.

Please visit my official blog again soon.

Adorably Yours,

THE GOLDEN BEAR
(...thegoldenbear!)


P.S. Beware of Tom Cruise, Kendra Grant Malone. He is waiting for you and for all at Bore Parade. He has evil intentions.

Mike Bushnell said...

He means it.