Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Spick



*

the first time
i heard the term
"spick" was when
christina hellen called you that
on the school bus
and you fucking decked her
and you were punished for that

*

it is hard to explain to people
your particular situation
"but he seems so normal"
is what some people say

*

since i was 5, maybe 6
ive thought about
ways you might die
about 4 times a day
to be sure
that i am prepared for
loosing you

*

when that psychoanalyst
told me
to be afraid of you
he told me
that you are likely
to rape
and hurt me
well,
i cant begin to explain to
people what that
felt like
so much so
that ive never tried

*

i dont want this
i dont want life to be so hard
for you
i cant grapple with
why people arent
gentle with you
how they dont see
that you are slow
and different
how they are impatient
with you

*

babe, im so scared
you will be murdered
beaten to death
before your own fucked
immune system kills you

*

i cant beat the shit
out of your cyst filled lungs
or your strange
hallucinations
like i did
christina hellen
i cant stop those things
from eating you
like a pancake

*

that one time
you told me
that you tried to die
because of the pills
how you did it
because your angels
stop singing to you
i thought about putting you
out of your misery

*

ive wished you dead
so many times
ive wished your fucking mother
dead so many times
and her mother
i wished her dead too
so many times

*

im not sure
how many more years
i can go on with this
being the only
the only
apparently the only
the only
the only one who loves
my dear brother

*

you and me babe
we
we together
are the replacement babies
unfortunately
i was more suited to it
than you

*

its okay i can be your
new mother
i can hold your
head, and touch the weird
bald spot
that im sure happened in the orphanage
when you were a baby
i dont want to dwell on how
it got there

*

it has never once
bothered me
when you speak
in tongues

4 comments:

Daniel Bailey said...

this is really good.

sam pink said...

i agree with daniel.

peter b said...

I like that a lot.

jillian said...

i enjoyed this

i enjoyed it so much that i was going to take a nap until i read it