Monday, January 07, 2008

Interview With My Magic 8 Ball

K: Do you really tell the future?

M8B: My reply is no.

K: Will I live to be over 1000 years old?

M8B: My reply is no.

K: Do you believe that existence precedes essence?

M8B: You may rely on it.

K: Will my cat outlive me?

M8B: Better not tell you now.

K: Is the idea of concrete emotions a completely subjective understanding, rendering existential psychoanalysis a complicated process of comparisons between the subject and the anaylsist that may or may not always be futile?

M8B: Ask again later.

K: Do you think if I were to have children I would drown them in the river because the devil told me to?

M8B: My sources say no.

K: Is Delores secretly a nihilist?

M8B: Most likely.

K: Do donkeys have dreams?

M8B: Cannot predict now.

K: Was my grandmother’s premonition of me dying in a sledding accident a true fortune?

M8B: Most likely.

K: Does the purple rubber squid nailed to my wall have emotions?

M8B: It is decidedly so.

K: Do you prefer stilettos to flats?

M8B: Without a doubt.

K: Is anyone planning to assassinate me right now?

M8B: It is decidedly so.


Daniel Bailey said...

haha. i love this. i laughed at "concrete emotions."

James said...

you neglected to inquire as to the 8ball's sentiments surrounding the perceived decline of reading in this country currently and the purported import of this dour happenstance. i, for one, think the readership deserves a response.

most humbly yours,


Katrin said...

Now that the 8ball has warned you all my plans are foiled!