Sunday, September 30, 2007

Ellen and I are domestic.

We baked english muffins (you don't actually bake them, you cook them on a skillet) this Sunday.

She took polaroids.

















I have been a nervous assface about posting writerly things recently. This will change. I promise. For now, polaroids are the shit.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Eves Dropping.

My sprightly little lady friend, Ellen Frances, aka E Frank, wrote this amazing little thing I stumbled on today about eves dropping on perverted men in NYC. It pretty fucking great. Go read it and leave her nice comments so she writes more for us to read.

New York Conversation #3

Monday, September 24, 2007

Giant Moutains

Your voice is raspy. When you talk, you mumble mostly incoherently.

"How was your day?"

"Fine, generally. Yeah, it was fine."

I am nervous, I can't stop fidgeting with my skirt. It is nice to listen to you tell stories about incredible things you observe. It is nice to hear about what you consider to be incredible.

"I am sitting cross-legged, in my boxer briefs."

"I am lying upside down, with my feet where the pillows are. I feel rebellious."

I can see out the window. In the alley, there is a ominous glow, with giant shadow people gesticulating wildly against the wall of the building adjacent to me. They are either fighting or dancing a strange dance.

"Giant mountains."

"Giant mountains."

I do not feel less alone, nor do I feel lonelier. You don't notice, but I've been holding my breath in various intervals to see if I can.

I can.

One of my legs is out-stretched over my head. The other lies straight on the bed in alignment with my back. If you were here right now, you would be looking up my skirt.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

This is asinine but I feel compelled to share it with my small readership. Oh the glory of procrastination!



Two people have come to my blog recently by searching the words:

pictures of people eating philly cheese steaks

I want to know who this was. Did you like my cheese steak pictures? Did they turn you on? Philly cheese steaks are pretty much my favorite thing in existence. I've taken numerous day trips to philly (the entire trip takes just over 2 hours, if all of your trains are timed well, which they never seem to be) just to stay 20 min to get a sandwich and go home.

this is the best google result, i am so proud

P.S. This is me avoiding editing said Journals.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

sex diary mega bucks

I have decided to begin editing my diaries from the last year or so into a book. People will read this book because it is perverted and sad, mostly comprised with failed love and sexual conquests, with a dash of painkiller addiction. I imagine it will take me at least 6 months to edit, because I have never really edited something, and it is over 200 pages long, single spaced.

My father is going to disown me.

I will keep you all updated.

Monday, September 17, 2007

TRISTAN RUTHERFORD ALLEN THE GREAT

I found this floating in the ethernet. The man on the ground is my best friend Tristan. It is a shame you can't see our matching tattoo in this photo. This is a wonderfully typical situation for Tristan and his magical girlfriend Sarah Jean, who are presumably collaborating on set. You know, being creative geniuses. I really need to stop saying "you know".



photo by Bo Hakala

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Jo-Jo visits the big apple.

My friend Jo-Jo recently visited us lovely folks in NYC. She took some pictures of our day at the beach and posted a blog.

Go read it here.

(My favorite is the picture of me and my sister at the end. My second favorite is the picture of Jo-Jo where my belly button is poking out from behind her funny drink.)

A Haiku That Inadequately Expresses How I Do Or Don't Feel

Kendra Grant Malone
Exploding Terradactyls
Brandon Scott Gorrell

- brought to you by way of collaborative effort from Kendra Grant Malone and Tao Lin on the subway after self-consciously reading aloud to one another from an exciting R.L. Stine Goosebumps novel

Friday, September 14, 2007

The ghosts of carpentry past.

My coworker Jake Yuzna makes really beautiful, deeply depraved and generally fucked up movies. He was asked to do the trailer for this important international gay film festival, which is really awesome. Subsequently, he ordered these bazar fetish costumes from China which arrived at work today. Of course, we tried them on as soon as the boss left the premises.


Oh you know, just another day at the office.


When you work on a reality T.V. show, you really need to entertain yourself somehow.


Oh you know, just another day in the woodshop.


I am the ghost of carpentry past (the show we make follows construction workers around New York).


Jake was especially dashing in latex.

Lesson Of The Day:

Latex is not forgiving to panty lines.

Be a responsible reader (part deux).

Input.

For James.

Exercise your literary efficacy again.

A gchat conversation about messy tables.

Unnamed Friend: i also need to meet a girl not obsessed with her cats
(two-cats)

Me: hey now
watch it
ehhh hemm

Unnamed Friend: i mean no offense
its just something im not that into, cats

Me: pssshhht
you know i cant back you on that one
you like crazy girls

Unnamed Friend: and crazy girls like cats
fuck
im doomed

Me: that comes with the package
messy tables = cats
ahahahahaha
this is a funny conversations
im a bit tipsy
forgive my typos

Unnamed Friend: i want to be tipsy

me: it is fun

----------------

and also

the japanese have bred a dachshund kitty.

fuck.



seriously.

did you see it run?

did you hear the music?

fuck. im fucked. forever.

Be a responsible reader.

Vote.

For Brandon.

Exercise your literary efficacy.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I've been a bit edgy.

Recently, I saw a fifteen year old boy get shot in the face with a sawed off shot gun.

It happened as I was arriving home from work, in front of the door to my apartment.

I have been having nightmares and can't sleep.

That is something I never wanted to see.

I don't have much more to say about it right now.

-----------

What do I want, you ask?

I want to lie face to face, with my legs sandwiched between yours, with my mouth to your mouth, whispering.

Filling your belly with words.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Friends

Some reading material for you today.

The Vegan Muffin by Tao Lin

Gentle Murder Post by Brandon Scott Gorrell

That This Is This (This) by James Fowler

And also, this {yes it is bold, so fucking click it} is someone I wish were my friend. Just look at the terror and determination in her eyes. That takes spirit.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

A sudden wave of paranoia.

I've not been working for over three weeks now.

I haven't left my apartment in over 40 hours.

I am wracked with anxiety. Nervously checking my email far too frequently. Petty things upset me. Being removed of people's top eight. Having myspace comments deleted for no reason. Receiving mixed messages from men who shower me with sweetness then withdraw completely in a moments notice. Spilling my coffee.

I just laid on my bed and stared at my ceiling for an hour.

I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown.

This certainly came out of nowhere.

I want someone to pet my head tenderly and tell me "It's okay."

--------------------

As it turns out, there is a name for this sudden wave that overtook me yesterday.

Premenstrual Syndrome.