Friday, August 31, 2007

Mindless Hell

My father writes me beautiful notes. I've been spending today, cleaning out my attic bedroom in Minneapolis. I came across a note that I received from him, that I think about from time to time. It came along with a bundle of DVD's- all films made by my personal hero, Lars Von Trier. The attached note read as follows:

Merry Christmas Kendra,

When the work is done
and the righteous play has begun
Lars will weave his spell and
draw you and yours into mindless hell. Enjoy.


Friday, August 24, 2007

who are all of you? i think you are ghosts.

Recently, the number of my blog hits have increased by 4 times in size. Who are you all? I have not made many new friends in New York. Why do you read this? You are all making me nervous. I am now afraid to post. What do you all want from me?

I mean, thank you for reading.

I mean, fuck, who are you?

Why are you reading me?

Answer me.

Okay, I'm being antagonistic. Sorry. No, really I'm sorry.

But really. WTF?

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Mr. Strong Brain

This boy has a very strong brain. I like him very much. Please go read his stories and poems.

They make me happy. Go see what a strong brain looks like.

Brandon Scott Gorrell

Saturday, August 18, 2007

A Tenderhearted Mess After Reading The Poems of An Asshole Ex

She sits very still.

She just read and re-read it. She feels a pit.

She is freshly reminded why she prefers to stay existentially alone. That there is good reason she keeps a variety of lovers in various states and boroughs.

She thinks to herself, "Trust is a sentimental Cliche."

She looks down and sees that her plastic disposable yogurt container is empty. "I should throw this away now," she thinks. She gets up and wanders to the kitchen and in the hallway bursts into a regrettable mess of tears and tenderheartedness. She sits down because of a dizzy spell. She sobs and screams and kicks at nothing like a child with a headache. Snot mixes with her tears and meanders down to her mouth where it tastes salty. She gets up and throws away the disposable plastic yogurt container.

She sits again. Very still.

She calls one of said lovers. Plans for the night are made. She will have violent, loud sex with him. She will not want to cuddle afterwards. She will say "go away," and roll over. She will stare at the wall and hold very still.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Naw- I changed my mind.

I was going to write a blog just now.

Something deep and existential. Something to shake you.

But my friend Adam just called me to tell me that there is a 10 week old kitty at his house. I am going there.

Today is a perfect day. Coffee by my lonesome in the morning with the bromidic company of Brit Pop superstars who write lyrics like "and he would not be daunted by the most gigantic word in the dictionary!", after which, kitties in the daylight with my special almost bearded friend, followed by cupcakes in the evening with my little friend who hibernates in the NYU library writing some slightly less than epic lovely things.

Glory and such.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Speed Bag

This is me at a house party in the mid-fucking-west. I am dancing on the coffee table. I got completely plastered that night, as it was my girlfriend's birthday party, I was at a sort-of-ex's house, and was witnessing another ex put the moves on a girl he has kissed during one of our "off periods", and the booze was free. I am what you would call "breaking out the speed bags". I found this on some girl's myspace profile. It is no lie, I love to dance.

A plea.


My name is Kendra. I need a place to live in starting September 1st. I had a place lined up, but the girl ended up being a flake (which I could have guessed when she told me her favorite book ever is a Foer novel). Now I am going to Minneapolis for two weeks to sell all my stuff I dont want and ship the things I do want to a new home which I dont have. And also a cat to bring with me who, like myself, is going to be homeless. If you know of a place that is open and willing to live with a beautiful cat, please email me. If not for me, then for Delores.

Thank you for your time,

Kendra Grant Malone

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Denise, my lovely.

For about a year, this man, Kevin, would post a missed connections add in the local free paper in Minneapolis every week, without fail, for a woman named Denise. They were poorly written, but had a child-like sweetness in their appeal. I followed them, and collected them. After a year, the paper stopped printing personal adds, they only appeared online. Subsequently, Kevin's plea for Denise's attention came to a halt. My I showed them to my grandmother one day, and she told me not to waste my time collecting the mad rants of a pervert predator/stalker. I've come to many a conclusion as to why any of this happened and why it captured my attention so wholly, but I think it better to keep that to myself.

See a piece of the chronicle HERE

Monday, August 06, 2007

Ms. Morgan

Rachel was here.

We went to Coney Island. We watched the freak show (we agreed that we would both totally fuck the blockhead), ate hot dogs, walked the board walk, and screamed like banshees on the Cyclone. It was good to have her close to me. She has a magic pendulum that tells the future. She is my earth mother high priestess of love. Once, Rachel's breast attacked her. She fought back and beat the sucker up bad. Now her breast will never try to kill her again. She is a magical woman.

Thursday, August 02, 2007


A few nights ago my power went out. I came home and went to the bathroom. The lights didn't go on, I assumed it was a burnt out bulb. I proceeded to the living room to see if I had received any emails from my favorite letter writing companion, Noah. Upon turning on my computer, or at least attempting to, I found that it resisted my intentions, although it had been plugged in all day. Frustrated and still not quite wrapping my head around the circumstances, I go into my room to smoke a cigarette and read. I flip the final light switch of the night to find once again, no light emitting from the ceiling.

The power was cut off.

So I left my apartment, and headed to the dollar store down the street to buy flashlights that dont work with hundred year old corroded batteries and candles. While walking down to 99 or Less, I'm desperately trying to think of a simple way to explain to my Japanese roommate about the situation we were in. I have been subletting from a man who will go unnamed, and with a little investigation I find that he has not paid his bills in seven months.

I paid what I could, but it was too late. The power company could not reestablish my power until the following day (actually, as it turns out, two days). I arranged the candles as best I could and gave up on the waste of money flash lights and waited for Kaho to come home. My sweet little roommate, Kaho, and I have not had much to talk about. As far as I knew she didn't know English very well, and when we saw each other, we cordially asked about each other's days and silently sat in the living room together on our perspective computers. I bought some beer to make it up to her, although we had to drink it warm because we could not open the fridge until the lightening was restored to our circuits, for fear of our ice cream melting.

Kaho and I, with nothing else to do, drank the night away. She took the news well. We laughed about it in the hallway, doubled over. I'm not sure why we were laughing. I told her about the power and it seemed funny when I said it out loud, just how awful and helpless we were, and I giggled a little. She made two fists and pulled them into her body, which was a small and funny gesture. I laughed louder. My laughing made her laugh. We just stood there, holding our stomachs, laughing in the dark.

As it turns out, Kaho speaks English quite well, if she is comfortable with you. I got two beers into the woman and we chatted all night. Now I am fond of Kaho. She is small and vulnerable seeming but actually incredibly virile. After two weeks in this country, barely able to speak English, she was in an accident in a taxi that blinded her in her right eye. She flew to Japan to get surgery and immediately flew back to continue her internship. Kaho is a little soldier.