I have to stop my chainsmoking/drinking every night. My wee little ragged heart begs me once or twice a day to be more sensible, with a dull pain right in the center of it. It feels like the little lady is going to give right in for a moment. I'm sure of it now, it's walls and tissues that it is gingerly comprised of are nothing more than rice paper these days. I can hear them rattle and hiss as I breath and beat.
I'm going downstairs to have a cigarette and a cup of coffee before I drive to work. I'm skipping breakfast. Maybe lunch too. Everything repulses me right now.
I am simply not capable of good decisions.