I'm sitting at a coffee shop, waiting for a pre-production meeting to begin. My heart is all a flutter. It's been just about a year since I last directed a crew on a set. I was convinced that I was going to take a year off this year, that I needed to find myself. What I have found thus far is that I need to be doing this. It eases my anxiety, to be building a project up. The control of directing, the web the web the web, spin it spin it. Another opportunity to own something, to give something to the world by taking even more from the contributors. Its a conundrum that I feel the most myself when I am focused on invented characters, how to make them, grow them, breed them, love them, make life worth it for them. Worth is really such a vague thing.
All I know is that this is what needs to be done. I'm sick of talking in whispers.
Today another short film.
Tomorrow a novel with my magic eyes.
After that godspeed to my soul, wherever it is these days (My guess is the unshaven armpit of a hooker in West Hollywood).