Thursday, October 12, 2006

your mother's bloated belly

Today was wrought with anxiety. No particular reason, no. This just happens from time to time. And as always, it passes and I feel silly and offer apologies to anyone I involved in the process. I just start to drown drown drown . . .

Speaking of drowning, I am reminded of a woman I talked to once. I don't remember how I met her, but that is far besides the point. She at one point in her life, had survived drowning. Not just survived, but was reanimated. She had drown in a lake, and was later brought back to life at a thankfully near by hospital. I asked her what it was like. She told me that initially, it was pure terror, the kind of terror you only feel once in your life (or twice in her case, unless she dies in her sleep). But at a point, after you stop choking and fighting the barrier of breath, you inhale water. Your lungs fill, as they once did while you floated in the bloated belly of your dear sweet mother. At this point she described to me a sort of calmness. I wont even try to explain, as it was mostly communicated through gesticulations and the way she swayed her hips and her head almost independently as she talked about it. Then she forgets, and its just black until she opened her eyes on a metal table with a defibrillator jolting the life back into her chest. On a final note, she tells me, "I would recommend drowning, if that weren't a demented thing to recommend."

She was a lovely woman. I often think of her on my way to sleep.

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