Thursday, November 10, 2005

If my heart leaps from my chest and grows legs and runs away, will you catch it?

This is it. My heart is finally going to burst, so I will write fast. This is the first time in my life since I was 13 that I have been single for more than a month. I don't mind it. I don't like it. Its nice having the bed to myself, chewing with my mouth open, and things of that nature. I sometimes just wish I could tell someone about the things that occur to me. I write quite a bit, but one just cannot write down everything that pops into their pretty little head. So much space and time, so much space and time, so much space and time is hard to fill sometimes. Some times not. My brain whirls and my fancies are passing, nothing has been sticking lately. Too many boys for this life, much too much broken hearted to be this young. Lately I have been researching for sometimes up to six hours, random things that should be forgotten. Like the American tradition of painting your front door red, or physical idiosyncrasies of conjoined twins, or the social history of peanut butter (I'm not kidding, its really interesting...). It is my brother's birthday today and I was doing homework all night after working a long day in the warehouse, and I did not call him. He is probably very sad. He has fetal alcohol syndrome, so he does not understand that I was busy. I love that helpless motherfucker more than anyone else in the whole world. He is Mexican and beautiful. I miss Juan Pedro....

Sometimes I just want a stranger to hold my hand.

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